What to do? What to do?

And that is all. Any ideas?

"I Can Do It Myself"

That is one of my 2-year-old's favorite sentences. And, she's right. Most of the things I try to do for her, like put on her jacket or wipe her face and hands are all things she can do herself. She feels so proud when she accomplishes these things on her own.

I wish I had her confidence. Lately, these are the only things that I seem to be doing successfully by myself:
Self-destructing.
Self-sabotaging.
Self-deprecating.

I mean, I guess I should feel proud of myself, too, because I am REALLY good at those things. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better. I just can't seem to get out of this cycle.

Life in the (medi)Fast Lane

After a rocky few weeks months, I've decided to resume Medifast, at least through Thanksgiving. I guess I'm just not ready to have the freedom that Weight Watchers allows me. Although, that's kind of a cop out because if I actually stuck to the plan, it wouldn't allow me too much freedom. But, you know me, all or nothing. I still WANT that to be the type of lifestyle diet I can follow at some point, but I'm not quite there yet. So, I'm bummed about that, but I am also seeing the positive in that I am reigning myself in before I get so far gone that I give up, as I have done in the past. I haven't given up. Despite these abysmal numbers...

8/21: lowest weight (for about a half a second)
9/19: +4 lbs
10/17: +12.8 lbs (yes, that is a 3lb/wk gain. Sickening!)
11/4: +4 lbs

UGH, it is so embarrassing to put that out there to the blogging universe, but I think it's a good reality check of how quickly and easily things can get away from you me. In less than 3 months, I have gained 20+ lbs. GROSS!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?!? Me, that's who. But now, enough self-berating. Time to move on and do something about it.

I wish I could put into words what it feels like to be so out of control about something that seems so simple: eating. I truly don't think unless you have been there, you can understand it. If anyone has a good description, I'd love for you to share it.

Lost & Found

Things I have lost over the past few weeks:
1) Mojo.
2) Discipline.
3) Structure.
4) Exercise.
5) Sleep.
6) Energy.


Things I have found over the past few weeks:
1) Stress.
2) Pounds.
3) Lethargy.
4) Fast Food.
5) Tight Pants.
6) Puffy Face.


Time to regroup, refocus, and move forward. Any tips?

Hello, Food!

Scale Victory
One week of eating real food doing Weight Watchers down. Also down was the number on the scale. Down 9 lbs!! Now, I should preface this by mentioning that when I weighed in last Monday after 3 weeks of on again off again Medifasting, I was up 13 lbs from my previous low. But, I'm glad to know that Weight Watchers allowed me to take off that excess water weight and bloating just like Medifast had. Now, I am only 4 lbs away from my previous low!


Non-Scale Victories
Due to craziness with getting ready to move and two birthday parties this weekend, there was a lot of eating away from home and/or eating carry out. I was able to reasonably do this and still get the stuff I really wanted. Here are a few examples. 

• Pizza Hut: house salad with lite Italian dressing and 3 slices of cheese pizza from a medium thin-n-crispy pizza
• Chipotle: chicken burrito bowl with 1/2 portion of rice, double fajita veggies, no cheese, and lettuce, tomato-corn salsa (HOLY DELICIOUSNESS)
• Kids Birthday Party: snacked on fruit/veggie tray and one slice of pizza (didn't eat the crust, so I counted it as thin crust)

Weight Watchers Modification
Many days, it was hard for me to eat all of points, especially since fruits and veggies are "free". I have incorporated a tip I learned from another blog. Sarah from Watch Sarah Shrink said she felt like she wasn't losing like she wanted to or should with all the free veggies/fruit, so she started counting each serving of fruits and veggies as one point. That is what I did, too. They are calories, after all. This is something that I may change as my daily points target gets lower, but I think I'll stick with it for now.


Going Forward
I'm looking forward to continuing to eating real food and losing weight at a reasonable pace until I reach my goal. Now that I don't have such a huge amount of weight to lose, losing a pound or so a week will keep me motivated. When I first started, one pound seemed like such a teeny tiny step down a never-ending path that would surely lead me off a cliff before I got to the finish line.


I am going to try my best to post once a week for the next couple of weeks, but if you don't see a post from me, don't worry. We are moving in a week, and it just means things are too busy! 


Weight Loss
This week: 9 lbs
Total: 64.4 lbs

Weight Watchers Day 1 (a photo journal)

Breakfast: 

Omelet of Egg Beaters, spinach, feta, MSF crumbles

Lunch: 

Salad with romaine, bell peppers, cucumber, salmon, and balsamic vinaigrette 

 Snack:

Grapes

Snack:

Light Microwave Popcorn

Dinner:

Spaghetti Squash Casserole with broccoli, canned diced tomatoes, chicken sausage, light mozzarella

Dessert:

Medifast Brownie with 1 Tbsp Natural Peanut Butter

(looks gross but tasted good!)

Time for a Change?

Generally when a weight loss blogger hasn't posted in awhile, you can probably guess that she has hit a setback of some sort. Yeah, that's what's happening to me. I'm in a rut. Stuck in a pattern of eating like crap for a few days, getting back on track for a few days, eating like crap for a day, getting back on track for 3/4 of a day, only to be off track by dinner time. It's frustrating. 


Earlier in the week, I was very focused on beating myself up for this setback. There was A LOT of really negative self-talk happening. Want a snippet of the endless stream of verbal (in my head) abuse I was lashing myself with? "What the F are you doing?" "Do you want to get fat again?" "What is your problem?" "You are so pathetic."  "What, you think what you  have done is enough? You're still overweight." So, you get the idea.


Now that I am done beating myself up (not to say I am happy with myself, just done punishing myself), I am trying to focus on what is going on with me, assessing where I am mentally, emotionally, and most importantly, where am I going from here? And, the conclusion I'm beginning to come to is that maybe it's time for a change. 


When I started Medifast, it was always with the intention that it would be a short term plan to get most of the weight off. Then, I would transition to calorie counting or Weight Watchers or something along those lines. I just don't feel like the rigidity of the plan is working for me right now. Actually, it's probably more accurate to say that I am not working the plan. But, if something is not working, whether it's because of you or the plan or something else, isn't is time to re-evaluate? After all, that's what I did 6 months ago when I decided to start Medifast. Now, maybe it's time to shake things up again.


I have been thinking a lot about this for the past few days, and I have hesitated to post about it because I feel like people will think that I am doing this just because I want to take the easy way out. But, I stopped thinking that around the same time I stopped beating myself up. This is why. I have essentially wasted almost 3 weeks, probably gaining 10 lbs. For me, right now, Medifast is not working. I am not giving up. In fact, I kind of feel like I am doing the complete opposite. My destination is the same, I'm just changing the route I am taking to get there. 


I have to say, I am excited. Just as excited and optimistic as I was when I started Medifast. More later on all the details of making this transition...

“The key to success is often the ability to adapt.” ~Anthony Brandt

Too Big for My Britches

What a week...what a bad week. I don't know what happened. After the post-wedding eating frenzy last Sunday, I did get back on track and stayed there for all of 3 days. I'm not sure what happened. Maybe all the compliments at the wedding and the nice pictures and my nifty before & progress pictures went to my head? Getting too big for your britches is not a good place to be when trying to lose weight. After all, my britches are supposed to be getting too big for me. Maybe I started to get a little complacent, too comfortable. Or maybe it was just the impending hurricane. Something about low pressure systems make me stock up on junk food and wine and eat/drink whatever I want. Whether it's a blizzard or a hurricane, when the barometer starts to fall so does my willpower.

Anyway, enough analyzing what did and did not happen last week, and on to what I am going to do about it. First, I did not weigh in this morning. Obviously, My Thurs-Sun eating frenzy impacted the scale in a negative way. I am not in denial; I just don't need the scale to tell me what I already know. Second, I started back on plan this morning.

Finally, on Thursday September 1st, I am starting a new personal challenge. I will call it my 30-DAY OPENS challenge. That stands for 30-days On Plan, Exercising and....No Scale. NO SCALE!!! That's right, I am going to weigh myself on Sept 1, and I will not do so again until Sept 30. This may be the hardest part of the challenge for me. But, I have an unhealthy relationship with the scale. I use it to reward and punish myself. Everybody is different. My blogging friend Patra from The Red Dress Report will probably keel over dead when she reads this as she is a committed daily weigher. On the other hand, fellow blogger, Dawn over at A New Dawn for Me hasn't weighed herself AT ALL, NOT ONCE as she has shed 6 pant sizes. I really admire her for that.

If I am staying on plan and doing the Couch to 5K program 3x per week, I will be able to measure my success based on my commitment to those goals and how I feel. And, if I am doing those things, I think I will be feeling pretty good. The other thing is that many people who do Medifast find that their weight loss slows down when they start exercising regularly, and I don't want that to discourage me. After all, the ultimate goal of all of this is to become a healthy person with a healthy lifestyle, which obviously needs to involve exercise.

I will check in again after my weigh-in on September 1st as I commence my OPENS challenge.

I'd love to hear about your relationship with the scale. Are you a daily weigher? Weekly? Monthly? Never?

Blame it on the a a a a a alcohol...

It feels like I have missed a week of blogging because I have so much to update on. So, here we go...

Before & After

Check out my new page with Before & After pictures. At this point, they are actually Before & Progress pictures since I haven't yet reached my goals. You can click on the Before & After tab across the top, or just click here.

Couch to 5K

Last Thursday, I successfully complete Week 1. Overall, I felt really good. It's funny, in recent years, I thought I had trouble running because I was getting older, had bad knees, and hadn't done it in so long. WRONG. I had trouble running because I was fat. I think the last time I ran was back at the beginning of March (or about 50 lbs ago). I really struggled, thumping along, feeling like a bull in a china shop. Now, even though I don't yet have the cardio to sustain a long run, I can run with ease, feel "light" on my feet, can find a rhythm. And, let me tell you, it feels good!!

Yesterday I began Week 2. I felt good with the longer run intervals, and I am not sore at all today. Here's the Week 2 workout.

• Brisk 5 min warm-up walk
• Alternate 90 sec of jogging and 2 min of walking for 20 min
• 5 min cool-down walk

Wedding

On Saturday, my cousin got married. For weeks, I have been deliberating how I was going to handle this event. What was I going to eat? Would I drink? I finally decided that I would stick as close to my eating plan as possible, but I would partake in a couple tasty beverages. And, that is exactly what I did...well, sort of. Ate my Medifast all day leading up to the reception, drank my water, brought my snacks, and was able to make a Lean & Green meal out of the salad, salmon, and zucchini on the dinner buffet. So, what went wrong? Perhaps the turning point was when I said to the bartender, "I'll have a rum and Diet Coke. Make it a double." :-) And, so it went as I danced the night away (working off those calories, right?!).

I never felt like I was drunk, but I definitely woke up feeling hung over. And, now, this leads to my next entry...

Mind Games

Waking up on Sunday morning, there was only one thing I knew for sure. I needed GREASE, and I needed it ASAP. You all do know that the only cure for a hangover is greasy fast food, right? So, here was my plan. I would weigh myself, see that I had gained some weight from my alcohol consumption, write off the week, and go get my fast food. Onto the scale I stepped, only to find that I was down 2 lbs. WHAT?!?! Did I really dance THAT much?

Now I needed a new game plan. So, I re-framed my thinking to, "Well, I was already thinking I would write this week off, and since I am down two pounds, I may as well go ahead and eat what I want, gain those two pounds back, and write the week off anyway." Crazy, I know. But, that is exactly what I did. I ate crappy fast food and carry out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

The psychoses doesn't end there....

Weigh-in

I decided to record my -2 as my official weigh-in for the week (it was only off by a day, right?), not weigh myself on Monday (my official weigh-in day), so I wouldn't see the damage from my one-day binge, and start the next week as if none of this happened. And, that is what I have done. Right back on track. And, in case you were wondering, I felt absolutely disgusting on Monday. I was lethargic and puffy and dehydrated, but if you want to know the truth, I don't regret it. Maybe 3 meals was a bit much, but I wouldn't have traded those Sonic tater tots for anything on Sunday morning! And, I think I am beginning to see that one day off track doesn't mean the end of working toward my goals.

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs
Medifast Month 3: 18.2 lbs
Medifast Month 4: 1.4 lbs
Medifast Month 5: (2.8, 3.6, 2, )
Medifast Total (19 weeks): 59.8 lbs
Total in 2011: 68.4 lbs

C25K W1D1

For those of you not in the know, that title is Couch to 5K, Week 1, Day 1.

Sunday night, I set out my workout clothes and shoes, along with my clothes for work, and I went to bed at a reasonable time. I was shooting for 10, made it by 10:30. Set my alarm for 4:55 and went to bed with all the eager anticipation that one feels when they have to get up really early to leave for vacation. Seriously. You know what I'm talking about. That feeling of excitement mixed with nervousness about oversleeping. That's exactly how I felt.

I got out of bed promptly, got changed, brushed my teeth, chugged a glass of water, filled my water bottle and got on the treadmill. Turned on my app and podcast, and got started.

All of Week 1 consists of the same workout:

Brisk 5-min warm-up walk.

Alternate 60 sec of jogging and 90 sec of walking for a total of 20 min.

5-min cool down walk

The workout was great. So manageable. I'm sure I need to play with my pacing. Maybe someone who runs/walks frequently on a treadmill could offer insight. I warmed up and cooled down at 3.5 mph. Did the walk intervals at 4.0 and the run intervals at 5.0, which is only a 12 min mile. I am thinking I should shoot for 6.0, which is a 10 min mi. I felt really comfortable doing it. One annoying thing was that the app I got and the podcast weren't the same. The app had 9 run intervals and the podcast had 8. I did the 9 because it seemed to be more accurate time wise since the run/walk intervals were supposed to last about 20 min. With 9 run intervals, it came out to 21 min. Tomorrow, I think I'll skip the podcast and just use the app. Now, I just need to find some good workout music to put on. Looking forward to tomorrow's workout. Same time, same place.

Weigh-in: Also, in case you are wondering, I lost 3.6 lbs this week! I am trying to mentally prepare for a slow down on the scale as I add-on the exercise and start building up some muscle. We'll see how this week goes.

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs
Medifast Month 3: 18.2 lbs
Medifast Month 4: 1.4 lbs
Medifast Month 5: (2.8, 3.6 , , )
Medifast Total (17 weeks): 57.8 lbs
Total in 2011: 66.4 lbs

Married Female in Search of "A" Passion

It's sad for me to say this, but I don't think I have a passion. Just to be clear, I don't mean this in the, shall I say, romantical way. That is passion. I am talking about "A" passion. What's even more sad, is I think it's been well over a decade since I have had one. Ever since my passion for playing basketball faded (read: was destroyed by my diabolical college coach) around my sophomore or junior year of college, I've never really found anything to take it's place. There's plenty of things I like, even love, but would I say they are my passion? No.

What exactly is a passion? Well, to me, it's some thing or activity that fuels you in some way. Something you are drawn to. Something you thrive on. Something that fills you with emotion. Something that almost becomes a part of you, perhaps the thing by which you define yourself. For some people it's a career, a hobby, a sport, a talent, a role in life. I can say with 100% certainty that this was basketball for me. It was who I was. But, who am I now?

That's what I am trying to figure out.

• I like to cook.
• I like to write.
• I like to read.
• I am a mother, a wife, a daughter. I LOVE my family.
• I am a teacher.
• I like music and movies and sports, but I couldn't even tell you who my favorite artist, actor, or sports figure is.

But, I can honestly say that I don't think any of those things are my passion. Should I feel guilty that being a mom is not my passion? I don't know if I should, but I do, just a bit and that's hard to admit. Teaching is what has probably come closest as a passion for me. And, in the right environment and with the right subject matter, it quite possibly could be. When I was teaching a community college course in Sociology, and we had a great discussion where I felt like people's eyes were opened and students saw something from a different perspective, it really invigorated me. I felt a rush, an excitement, a sense of pride. THAT is what I am searching for again. THOSE feelings. The same feelings I had when I played basketball.

As my weight loss has become more noticeable, people have begun asking me my "secret". And, I get excited to tell them. Not necessarily about the product itself, but for what I know is possible for them. I know what it's like to feel like you have tried everything to lose weight and nothing seems to work. I know what it's like to feel terrible about yourself, to think that every time you walk into a room people are looking at you, and every time you walk out they're talking about you. So, it excites me to tell people it's possible, that they can find something that works for them. Could this be my next passion? Possibly. Which is why I am thinking about becoming a Take Shape for Life Health Coach. (more on that another time since this post is already getting ridiculously long)

The other thing I am really excited about is this Couch to 5K running program. I went out and bought some good running shoes this weekend, and I don't think I've ever been so excited about a pair of sneakers in my life. I feel like they are just waiting to take me on this amazing journey to discover (or re-discover) a part of me that's been tucked away for quite some time. That part of me that can and wants to push myself, to feel that adrenaline rush, and sense of accomplishment. And, I also want to do this to be able to let other people know that they can do it too.

So, maybe, just maybe, this can all become part of my new passion. Helping people and teaching them how to lose weight, and be healthy, and feel good about themselves, not because I read how to do it in a book or took a class, but because I did it myself. And that is my first step in searching out this passion. Doing it myself. For myself.

Just a Weigh-in

Just a quick post with today's weigh-in. Down 2.8! YAY!

Planning a longer post later in the week. Stay tuned...

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs
Medifast Month 3: 18.2 lbs
Medifast Month 4: 1.4 lbs
Medifast Month 5: (2.8, , , )
Medifast Total (16 weeks): 54.2 lbs
Total in 2011: 62.8 lbs

Back to the Future

This morning I hopped into my DeLorean and traveled back in time three weeks. Remember three weeks ago when I hit the 60 lbs lost mark? When I was about to start my vacation eating in moderation treating myself to a few indulgences? When I was drinking my gallon + per day of water? Well, today, I am right back there (within .6 lbs). On, July 9, I was down 60.6 lbs. Today, I am down 60 lbs!!

While I don't know exactly how much I gained on my binge, I did sneak onto the scale about 5 days in and was already up 6 lbs. That's when I decided I should stop weighing myself. Funny, I didn't decide that was when the binge should end. I can say with a good amount of certainty that I was up at least 10 lbs by the end of it.

This week, I was 100% back on the Medifast plan, and I am glad it paid off. I must admit, I am getting restless. I want to start making more real food again and figuring out how to make healthier choices. With the success of this week, it helps me recommit myself to the plan.

Of course, I wouldn't be me if I didn't have that fleeting thought of "what if". What if I hadn't spent the past three weeks gaining and losing the same weight to only break even? What if I had lost 11.4 lbs this month instead of 1.4? I'd be at 70 lbs instead of 60 lbs. So, yes, I have had that thought. BUT, and this is where the progress comes in, it really has only been a fleeting thought, nothing I am dwelling on.

Here's to a great month!

Weight Loss

Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs
Medifast Month 3: 18.2 lbs
Medifast Month 4: 1.4 lbs
Medifast Total (16 weeks): 51.4 lbs
Total in 2011: 60 lbs

From "Couch to 5K" in 3 Months

It's time to get serious about the exercising. When I think back on the times that I felt best about myself, it was when I felt good about what my body was doing for me. Ironically, this doesn't necessarily equate to how I felt about the appearance of my body. In high school, I felt really good about what my body was able to accomplish: running 9 miles at cross country practice, playing center on the basketball team, winning games, and championships, and individual honors, rehabbing from a knee injury. Even though I thought I was "fat" at the time, I still felt good about the things my body could do, the determination I had, and the pride that came along with setting goals and reaching them. In college, I felt good about playing Division I basketball (even though it was hardly all I hoped it to be), running a mile in 6 min, benching pressing 75% of my body weight. And even though I felt good about what my body was doing, it was undermined by my coaches saying I needed to lose (more*) weight in order to "gain a step". (*Between my sophomore and junior year, June-August, I lost 20 lbs at the urging of my coaches, not easy to do on an already fit and not overweight body, only to return to pre-season training in August and be told I should have lost more...YEAH, and you wonder why I have issues?!?!)

Anyway, all this to say that I feel good when my body is accomplishing something, moving toward and reaching a goal. Even though I may not like how it looks, I like how it feels. I like feeling strong.

So, with that in mind, I have set a goal (along with my husband) to run a 5k on November 13. The week of August 14th, I am going to start the Couch to 5k running program. A 9-week, 3 days/week, program (I'll have 12-weeks) that eases you, step by step, into running a 5k. I plan on using the treadmill program outlined here. Why wait until August 13th? Because I feel like I am starting over with Medifast after my two-week vacation, and they suggest not starting any new exercise for the first 2 weeks as your body adjusts to the new lower calorie intake.

There it is. All in writing. For the world (or at least 5 or 6 people) to see. Therefore, I must follow through. Right? Right!

Waiting for the Weight

After a nearly 2-week eating frenzy, I have decided not to weigh-in. I know I've gained weight (probably 10+ lbs), and I don't see any reason to depress myself with the number. Today, I am back on plan, and will give myself one full week before I weigh myself. I figure that by then, the number won't be as staggering. This is uncharted territory for me as I tend to live (aka stay positive and on plan) and die (aka get depressed and go off plan) by the scale.

Here are the things I already know without having to weigh myself:

1) I feel bloated and puffy.

2) I feel lethargic.

3) I'm grumpy.

4) I did not enjoy stuffing my face with anything I could possible think of just because I wasn't "on my diet".

5) I did enjoy eating the things I really wanted and had planned to eat ahead of time.

6) I still have a long way to go in gaining control over my eating and my emotions and habits associated with it.

I am not beating myself up about this. I am using it as a learning experience, moving on, and continuing on this journey!

Where Did I (my diet) Go on Vacation?

Hell in a hand basket, that's where.

I have gone completely off course. I suspect that by the time I return home next Monday, I will have gained 10 lbs. Just a rough estimate.

Honestly, I am not that distraught by it. I know I'll get back on track when I get home. But, I just can't deal with it right now.

In spite of that, vacation has been really great!

I'll check in again next Monday with the damage that I have done while away.

18 Day Challenge (Day 18)

Eighteen days ago, I said this in my blog post, "There are 18 days until I go on vacation to the beach for 2.5 weeks, and I am giving myself an 18 day challenge to hit the 60 lb mark before vacation. That is 8.4 lbs in 18 days, which is almost a half a pound a day (according to a quick calculation, I am currently averaging .6/day), kind of daunting, but I'm still going to try."

Now, it is 18 days later, and the official start of my vacation. I am down 2 lbs since July 4th, bringing me to a total loss of 60.6 lbs!!! I'm proud of that. I'm feeling confident going into vacation that I won't go completely off my rocker eating like a maniac. A few planned indulgences. A lot of fun with my family. I am one happy MF-er right now. Medifast-er, people, Medifast-er, I would never use such language!

18 Day Challenge (Day 13)

With just 5 days to go, I am only 1.4 lbs away from hitting my goal of 60 lbs lost before my beach vacation! Technically, I am leaving for vacation on Thursday evening, but I don't consider the official start of vacation until Saturday.

This week, I felt like I really overcame some of my normal triggers (read psychoses) that often lead me down a very slippery slope into bingeing. As you may or may not know, I weigh in on Fridays and Mondays (Monday is the official weekly weigh in day). When I weighed in this Friday, I was only down .4 lbs. This really pissed me off because I had been unusually hungry all week, but stayed the course. So, the hunger, plus the .4 lbs, plus the fact that it was a holiday weekend, could have easily tsunamied into 3+ days of stuffing my face with anything and everything I wanted because what difference would it make anyway...in the past.

I was really glad to have made this little challenge for myself because it helped me stay focused. I just kept thinking, "If you do this, you will not hit your goal. And, more importantly, you'll go into vacation feeling like $hit about yourself and will likely use that as an excuse to eat with reckless abandon the entire vacation, potentially undoing weeks OR MORE of hard work." And that was that. I didn't talk myself into (or out of, sometimes, I don't really know which way it is working) using the holiday or the hunger or the scale as an excuse to binge. I added a little extra protein and veggies over the weekend, which helped with the hunger, and I stuck to the plan and ended up feeling really good about myself for doing so...even before I weighed myself this morning.

Of course the fact that the scale showed a 3.2 loss for the week certainly helped me stay positive!

Last week completed a full 3-months of Medifast for me. In those 12 weeks, I have lost exactly 50 lbs, an average of 4.16 lbs per week. Now, I know the naysayers (and I know they are out there) are thinking that I'm losing weight too quickly and not learning how to eat normally and blah blah blah. Well, to them I say, I AM learning. I am learning that I don't NEED food to comfort, celebrate, soothe, relax, etc. I am (re)learning how great it feels to be healthier and feel better about myself.

Do I know that the hardest part of this whole journey is yet to come, AFTER I hit my goal weight, and start the process of transitioning off Medifast and learning to maintain? YES, I do. And, I am ready for the challenge when the time comes.

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs (2.4, 3.2, 6, +4.8)
Medifast Month 3: 18.2 lbs (9.4, 1.8, 3.8, 3.2)
Medifast Total (12 weeks): 50 lbs
Total in 2011: 58.6 lbs

18 Day Challenge (Day 6)

Another Monday, another weigh-in, and there are 12 days left in my 18-day challenge to hit the 60 lbs lost mark by the first day of vacation (July 9). I'm happy to say that today's weigh-in showed a 3.8 lb loss for the week, which means I have 12 days to lose another 4.6 lbs in order to hit my goal. I'm feeling confident!

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs (2.4, 3.2, 6, +4.8)
Medifast Month 3: (9.4, 1.8, 3.8, tbd)
Medifast Total (11 weeks): 46.8 lbs
Total in 2011: 55.4 lbs

The Price of Eating Healthy

Today I ate a $17 omelette. It's true. You may be wondering if it was loaded with jumbo lump crab meat or lobster or filet mignon. No, the extra expense was for making it healthy.

Here's the low down.

Fine Herb Omelette ($7.99)

add spinach (+1.75)

add tomatoes (+1.75)

add feta (lightly sprinkled, mind you!) (+1.75)

Made with egg whites (+1.79)

Sub salad for potatoes (+1.99)

Total = $17.02

Craziness, right?!? I can see the additional charge for the add-ons (although $1.75 each seems a bit steep). But, $1.79 for egg whites? Aren't they using LESS of the egg? And, $1.99 to get a small side salad instead of fried potatoes. C'mon! No wonder Americans are fat. It pays to eat unhealthy. I basically paid 4 extra dollars just because I want to keep my arteries clear. Well, when I think of it that way, I suppose it's worth it. Next time, I think I will get the jumbo lump crab cake for $17.99 and make the omelette at home.

Stop. Drop (the) Roll.

Yesterday I discovered a recipe that may have changed my life. Seriously.

I made "bread" using Medifast Cream of Chicken Soup mix. Here is the recipe I found online.

GRILLED CHEESE/sourdough Sandwich

cream of chicken soup
1/4 ts of baking powder
1 egg white**
1oz low fat mozzarella cheese or 1 Light Laughing Cow cheese**

Microwave it in a glass bowl (pyrex or corningware) for 90 seconds. Then let it cool, slice it in half and put in toaster. Melt 1 oz of low fat mozzarella cheese or spread with light laughing cow cheese.

I was extremely skeptical. EX. TREME. LY. You know me, always the optimistic outlook. :-) My thoughts were that it couldn't possibly resemble anything close to real bread, it was going to stick to the bowl, it was going to taste like $hit.

Guess what? I was wrong on all accounts. I eagerly stood in front of the microwave, peering in (probably getting brain cancer from harmful micro-waves) and watched the bread "rise". People, it actually rose! Like real bread. Still the skeptic, I pulled it out of the microwave, let it cool a few minutes, and then easily slipped it out of the bowl with a rubber spatula. OK, now here is where it gets really exciting. I sliced my "bread" in half. It looked just like real bread, little nooks and crannies and everything. I was becoming a believer. I spread it with a wedge of Laughing Cow Garlic & Herb cheese and toasted it. DE. LISH. US.

Now, please remember, I have not eaten "real bread" in almost 3 months. So, maybe it was just an oasis in a desert of low-carb insanity, but I don't think so. I really don't.

If you are a fellow MF-er (hee hee), please try this and let me know if I am just delusional. If you have any variations of this recipe, please send them my way!

18 Day Challenge

Slow week, but the scale went down, so I can't complain, right? Well, I can (and I did), but I shouldn't. I'm down 1.8 lbs for the week. I think I way overdid it on sodium yesterday (salsa on my eggs, and a green bean salad that had soy sauce in the marinade). I also ate out 4 times last week. I made good, on-plan choices, but you never know what is lurking in salad dressing, marinades, and cooking that you haven't done yourself. I also felt like my water intake was way down this weekend. So, all in all, I'm pleased. OK, I am lying...I was disappointed. I don't like anything less than two. I've gotten spoiled that way.

On the VERY positive side, even with this week's measly 1.8 lb loss, I have officially hit the 50 lb mark. 51.6 to be exact. YAY me...now let's get down to business.

There are 18 days until I go on vacation to the beach for 2.5 weeks, and I am giving myself an 18 day challenge to hit the 60 lb mark before vacation. That is 8.4 lbs in 18 days, which is almost a half a pound a day (according to a quick calculation, I am currently averaging .6/day), kind of daunting, but I'm still going to try. I have two reasons for doing this. 1) I have gotten a little lax in measuring my greens, watching condiments, etc. 2) I am TERRIFIED of vacation. I'm not joking. But, that is a whole other post unto itself. More on that later. So, I am hoping that by setting this challenge for myself, I am a little more vigilant and can go into vacation with more peace of mind. What's the worst that can happen? Nothing. Even if I fall short, I will still be closer to my goal, and I think it will be a good way to help keep me focused for the next couple of weeks.

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs (2.4, 3.2, 6, +4.8)
Medifast Month 3: (9.4, 1.8, tbd, tbd)
Medifast Total (10 weeks): 43 lbs
Total in 2011: 51.6 lbs

Seeing (yourself) is Believing

As you all know, I had a rough week last week. A four-day binge that resulted in a 4.8 lb weight gain. In the past, that would binge would have continued for a week or more until I finally gave up on whatever weight loss efforts I was attempting at the time. I'm happy to say that I got right back on track on Monday, and I stayed on track all week. It was worth it. I lost 9.4 lbs this week! I can't believe I lost all 4.8 that I gained, plus almost 5 more! The week before last when I had a great week with a 6 lb loss, I let that mess with me mentally. Not this week. I am plugging right along.

This week's weight loss puts me just shy of the 50 lb mark. I think one of the hard things about having A LOT of weight to lose is that even after you have lost a good bit of weight, you are still overweight. Even when you start to think, "Hey, I'm looking pretty good," there are still many lumps and bumps and rolls, and that can mess with your head. You see yourself every day and don't notice the changes. But, then, one day, you see a picture of yourself (usually something you dread), and you really notice the difference that 50 lbs truly makes. And, it's just what you need.

December 2010 (highest weight) June 2011 (-50 lbs)

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs (2.4, 3.2, 6, +4.8)
Medifast Month 3: (9.4, tbd, tbd, tbd)
Medifast Total (9 weeks): 41.2 lbs
Total in 2011: 49.8 lbs

I'm too sexy for those (plain) earrings

One of the ways that I know I am feeling better about myself is...

I'm wearing accessories. Different accessories. Almost daily. This may not sound like a big deal, but if you know me, you know that except for when I "dress up," my accessories generally consist of small diamond stud earrings (that I wear 24/7), my wedding rings, and a sports watch. The thing is, I do like accessories and I have many of them, but I just never really felt like taking the time to pick out jewelry that matched my outfit. Really what difference did it make? A great necklace wasn't going to make me look 10 lbs thinner. Strange mentality, I know, but that's the way it was. Now, almost every day, especially work days, I take the time to pick out accessories that match my outfit. I like doing it. I like how it looks. It feels good.

My next piece. Too much?

What do you do differently when you are feeling good about yourself?

I Stumbled...

"In the end, it all comes to choices to turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones."

Is it weird that a 6 lb weight loss last week kind of put me over the edge...in a bad way? It was crazy. Was I happy about it? Yes. But, I was more anxious than happy. I had a constant stream of negative thoughts in my head. How did this happen? It's going to show up on the scale next week. That can't be right. I'm going to have a bad week. It was so strange. Well, I guess not so strange for someone who has some "issues."

So, what did I do? I started weighing myself everyday. I was so sure the scale was going to go up. Let's take a look at how that went:

Monday (official weigh-in day): down 6

Tuesday: up 3

Wednesday: down 2

Thursday: up 1

Thursday night: chicken wings and italian sub

Friday morning through afternoon: back on track

Friday night: Chinese food

Saturday morning: back on track

Saturday lunch through dinner: sandwich, chips, fruit, pizza

Sunday: F*&$ it, why bother even trying to get back on track today. Ate crap the whole day.

That really didn't go so well, now did it. I don't know what happened. Somehow that 6 lb loss and the up and down of the daily weighing, screwed up my mental state. In a big way. Some people are diligent "daily weighers." I have never been because it messes with my head way too much. I've been weighing twice a week. Fridays and Mondays. The crazy thing is, my weight could go up every Tuesday, but I wouldn't know because I don't weigh myself again til Friday! Who knows what the daily pattern is. Of course, I didn't take that into consideration when I stepped on the scale on Tuesday...and Wednesday...and Thursday.

What happened on the scale on Monday after my train went off the track Thursday through Sunday? I really didn't even want to step on the scale, but I faced it. I mentally prepared myself for a 5 lb gain. It was 4.8.

So that sucked. But, here is where I see progress. I didn't use that as an excuse to continue with the derailment. Really, this must be something that only fat people do. Who would see a weight gain as a reason to eat? Fatties, that's who. But, I didn't do that this time. Monday, I got back on track. For real this time. Now, it's Thursday, and I'm still on track. This probably doesn't seem like a big deal, but take it from me, someone who has done this a time or two, a few days off track, usually spirals out of control into a week, two weeks, a month...etc.

Another lesson learned is that I felt gross those few days. I was lethargic and grumpy, and the food didn't make me feel any better nor did it taste that good. If I am going to go off plan (that's dieters' lingo for stuffing your face like a cow), it is going to be for something I really want, something tasty, and delicious, not crap food.

Maybe I'm actually learning a few things.

Weight Loss
Pre-Medifast: 8.6 lbs
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: 6.8 lbs (2.4, 3.2, 6, +4.8)
Medifast Total (8 weeks): 31.8 lbs
Total in 2011: 40.4 lbs

MF Week 7 Weigh-in

I hope I am not letting my tens and tens (probably more like fives and fives) of readers down. I have so many anecdotes and crazy thoughts I want to share with you, but I have had a serious lack of time lately. I hope to do a more significant post this week, but in the meantime, here are this week's results: down 6!!!

WTH?!?!? No idea how or why, but I'll take it!!

Weight Loss
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: (2.4, 3.2, 6, tbd)
Medifast Total (7 weeks): 36.6 lbs
Total in 2011: 45.2 lbs

This Week's Weigh-In

Down another 3.2 lbs!

Weight Loss
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: (2.4, 3.2, tbd, tbd)
Medifast Total (6 weeks): 30.6 lbs
Total in 2011: 39.2 lbs

Still Fat

As you may have read in my previous post, which reported this week's weigh-in and loss, I am really chugging right along with this whole weight loss thing.

I should be saying "YAY me!" Which I am saying a lot more than I have in recent memory. My clothes fit better, I've gone down 2 pant sizes, my double chin is almost gone, my rings are lose. It's obvious that I am losing weight...to me. And that's the part I hate. When you have so much weight to lose, the average passer-by on the street (and, yes, I am sure that everyone is checking me out when they pass me by!!), still sees me as fat. They don't know that I've already lost 36 lbs.

Even most people who see me regularly, don't really know how much weight I've lost (unless they are closet readers of my blog...I know you're out there!!). And, they certainly don't know how much I have left to lose. Here's an example. At work the other day, someone asked me if I was losing weight. YES, yes, I am, thank you very much! So nice to know that it is noticeable. But, I kid you not, she could hardly contain her surprise when I told her how much weight I had lost (which was last week and I said about 30 lbs). The surprise was not, "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight." It was was shock, "Wow, you've lost 30 lbs and are still that overweight."

Some people who have lost 30+ lbs are completely transformed, even if they still have another 20 to lose. They've already gone from fat to thin. Not me, I would still be considered by most to be a "big girl." A label that I don't know will ever elude me at 6 ft tall and a goal weight that is a good 10 - 20 lbs above the "healthy" weight range for my height.

Alas, I forge on...

All Food, All the Time

Wow, what a challenging weekend! I thought about food constantly. All day and night for nearly 72 hours straight. Food was in my dreams and my thoughts. All. The. Time. And, it wasn't just a craving of one thing. It was a craving all things. I wanted burgers...and fries...and sushi...and ribs...and brownie sundaes...and chips...and the salsa that goes along with it, of course. If not food, then wine. Oh, how I miss my wine. It all began Thursday, with a restless night spent tossing and turning between sweet sweet dreams of all things food.

Saturday was particularly challenging because I was frustrated and stressed, and all I could think about was a delicious Whopper and fries that I just knew would make everything all better. It wouldn't, I know that, but my rational self was resorting to old tactics of stress relief. Which really was never stress relief at all and usually resulted in self-loathing for not have the willpower to resist stuffing my face. Ultimately, that is what allowed me to muddle through the weekend. I could not, would not, allow myself to feel that way. Would it taste good? YES! Would it make me feel less stressed? NO! Would it make me feel bad about myself? YES! I knew that when I stepped on the scale Monday morning, no matter what it read, I would be thinking "what if." I would be able to shame myself for any number that showed up. If I still lost, it could have been more. If I broke even, I could have lost. If I gained...well, I won't go there. No matter what, it would not have been worth it.

So, I made it through. I was hopeful that the scale would reward me for facing this challenge head-on. I already knew that if I wasn't satisfied with the number on the scale this morning, then I would immediately start thinking, "I may as well have given in to my cravings this weekend." And, that would leave me facing another challenge, one I have faced and not overcome many many times before. Taking just one little step down that slippery road to losing control. After all, when you are an "all or nothing" person, it's just one small step between a stumble and a landslide back down this mountain you are trying to climb.

The scale, while showing a loss, was not as generous as it has been in recent weeks. Still, it was quite a victory. I cannot ever recalling a time when I did not give in at all to cravings as strong as those I was having this weekend. There would have always been a way to justify a Whopper into my plan. And, certainly I deserved a BIG glass of wine! But, not this time. I did it. And, you know what I realized? No food or drink could have made my stress go away any better than knowing that I overcame this obstacle did. And, a nice even 36 lb weight loss for the year, so far, certainly makes things seem a little brighter.

Weight Loss

Medifast Week 5: 2.4 lbs

Medifast Month 2: (2.4, tbd, tbd, tbd)

Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)

Medifast Total (5 weeks): 27.4 lbs

Total in 2011: 36 lbs

Weekly Weigh-in

Unfortunately, I don't have time to really blog right now, but I am working on a good one...in my mind.

Just a quick update on this week's weigh-in. I was down another 4.2 lbs! Yippee! A nice even 25 lbs for my first month on Medifast. Still loving it. I even enjoyed two dinners out and dinner at my parents' house this past weekend and still managed to lose. On any other plan, this would have been a break-even week at best!

Weight Loss

Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)

Medifast Total (1 month): 25 lbs

Total in 2011: 33.6 lbs

Normal Eating...What's That?

I have started reading (again) one of the books I bought earlier in this journey: The Rules of "Normal" Eating by Karen Koenig. While Medifast is working great for me, and I do believe it is teaching me some important lessons about my relationship with food, I also realize this isn't "normal" eating. So, while I am doing this, I want to start to arm myself with the knowledge and tools to help me make a smooth transition when the time comes.

I haven't gotten too far into the book, but I was really struck by some of the things I read last night. Check this out, and see whether or not you do these things.

Koenig says, "Unconscious behaviors of "normal eaters when they are eating include:

• They breathe regularly. (I think I do this.)
• They chew their food well before swallowing it. (Not likely, I am a speed eater.)
• They look up from their plate often. (Maybe, if I am in good company. By myself, rarely.)
• They pause and enjoy the taste of what they are eating. (I really do appreciate good food, but I don't think I take time to savor and enjoy it.)
• They put their fork or spoon down occasionally and don't think of utensils as extensions of their arm. (Go, go Gadget arm utensils!)
• They have silent, automatic, back-burner dialogue with themselves regularly while eating to see if they are still hungry or have reached fullness or satisfaction. (Haven't heard that voice.)
• They focus on the food in front of them, not what they ate yesterday or what they will be eating tomorrow. (People really do that?!?! I am always thinking about the before and after.)
• They don't care what's on someone else's plate or imagine that anyone cares what's on theirs. (I do care and generally imagine I am being judged about what I am eating if I feel like it is indulgent.)

Here is how not to stay connected to your body while eating:

• Shovel or gobble your food. (check)
• Guilt trip, shame, or hate yourself for what you are eating or what you ate earlier. (always)
• Eat as much as the person next to you. (That's never a problem.)
• Tell yourself that you don't deserve to eat. (I've told myself that, but did it anyway. Then...refer to the second bullet point here.)
• Eat as little as the person next to you. (I do monitor.)
• Forget to breathe or taste the food. (Not sure about this one.)
• Rush through the meal. (Yep.)
• Struggle not to eat anything. (Yep.)
• Eat when you are too stressed to enjoy food. (Always.)
• Worry while you're eating. (Often.)
• Feel self-conscious about what you're eating. (Oh yeah.)
• Eat to please someone else. (I've done that too.)

YES!!! I got them all right! Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to answer YES, to every stinkin' one of those questions.

And, the work continues...

Forbidden Fruit

Last night, I had the most vivid dream, dare I call it a fantasy. In this "fantasy", I was sitting at the kitchen table with a gigantic bowl of fruit salad in front of me, and I proceed to devour the entire thing, shoving the fruit in with my hands, juice dripping down my my face, gorging myself with watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and other pieces of sweet juicy deliciousness.

Apparently, I am missing fruit, though I hadn't really thought about. Since Medifast is a low-carb diet, there is no fruit during the weight-loss phase. As of now, I am OK with that considering I lost another 4 lbs this week! Woot-woot! Screw you fruit...who needs ya! See ya in my dreams! :-)

Weight Loss

Medifast Week 3: 4 lbs

Medifast Week 2: 3.2 lbs

Medifast Week 1: 13.6 lbs

Medifast Total (3 weeks): 20.8 lbs

Total in 2011: 29.4

Freedom

For the first time in a long time, I feel free from obsessing about food. If I'm on a diet I obsess about what I will eat next, calculating calories/points/fat grams. What if I go out to dinner? What will I order? I stalk the online menus and seek out nutritional information online like a crazy person. If I am not on a diet, I obsess about what I just ate but shouldn't have, what I want to eat to celebrate...console...cry, when and what will I eat next.

With Medifast, I have nothing to obsess about. I eat a Medifast meal every 2-3 hours. I eat one "Lean & Green" meal of protein and vegetables. There's nothing to think about. Nothing to calculate. If I go out to dinner, as I did last week, I order chicken or fish or steak with vegetables as my side. No stalking the online menus.

The only thing I weigh is my portion of "lean" based on what the protein is, and I measure (sometimes) my servings of vegetables. I will admit, I am supposed to be keeping track of condiments and healthy fats, but I haven't done that yet. I figure that is something I can incorporate (maybe) if I hit a plateau. It's not like I am pouring a gallon of salad dressing or olive oil or BBQ sauce on my food, so I think it's OK.

At this week's weigh-in, I lost an additional 3+ lbs. After last week's amazing results, I will admit that I was expecting a bit more. I know that most of those 13.6 lbs were water weight, but still the 3lbs this week seemed to pale in comparison. But, who can complain about 16+ pounds in 2 weeks? Me, that's who. It's an illness, people, it's an illness. :)

Seriously, though, I am VERY happy with my progress both on the scale and in my head.

Weight Loss

Medifast Week 2: 3.2 lbs

Medifast Week 1: 13.6 lbs

Medifast Total (2 weeks): 16.8 lbs

Total in 2011: 25.4

Medifast Food Reviews

Imagine it's your first day of eating drastically less than you normally do. You've had a shake for your first "meal", a bar for your second "meal", and you are about to prepare your third "meal" of soup. Soup, you think, that's like real food. The anticipation is killing you. You are famished. Fingers shaking as you open your packet (visualize cup of soup packets) of cream of broccoli soup mix, and....

YOU WANT TO THROW UP from the horrid scent that emenates from the small plume of dust that puffs out of the package. Are you SERIOUS? This is the crap that I am going to eat!

This is exactly what happend to me. In fact, I was preparing this meal at my parents' house, and they were both horrified by the smell. Yet, I had nothing else to eat, so I prepared my soup, whisking away to get all the lumps out. Adding a little garlic and herb seasoning, and Old Bay (Old Bay makes everything better, right?). Making it extra hot so I would burn off all taste buds, thus eliminating any chance of actually tasting this crap. And, I ate it.

Fortunately, it didn't smell as horrible once it was prepared. I muddled through the bowl of soup as my father laughed hysterically in the background, making comments such as, "No wonder you lose weight on this diet. That shit is inedible." My mother showing her support with reassuring remarks like, "It doesn't smell too bad now," and "It's probably better with those spices in it." Meanwhile, I'm so hungry I want to throw the bowl of soup in both of their faces and resort to eating the packaging the soup came in.

Overall, though, it's really not that bad. Seriously. And now, a week and a half later, I've even kind of gotten used to the cream of broccoli soup. I think the key is that I wasn't expecting it to be gourmet food or even "real" food. I looked into other programs like Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig, where you get some frozen food and some "shelf stable" food as they call it. The reviews of the food were mediocre at best. I'd rather have the meal replacements of Medifast than eat gross meals that are supposed to be real-food "entrees".

Here is all the "food" I've had and what I think of it.

Shakes

Orange Creme - MY FAV! Not just my favorite shake, but probably my favorite item overall. This is what I have for breakfast everyday. I blend it with a little ice, and I actually really like it. It tastes like a creamsicle. I ordered the Strawberry Creme in my next batch of food, so we'll see how that measures up.

Chocolate - Good. But not as good as the orange creme.

Next up: In addition to the Strawberry Creme, I also ordered the Banana Creme for Jay. (I don't like banana.)

Pudding

Chocolate - I didn't care for it in pudding form. The texture was weird, and it seemed grainy. But I got some pointers online for making it more like a frosty with ice and some water. YUMMY! This is usually what I have as my 6th meal, after my Lean & Green dinner. Very dessert like.

Soft Serve

Mango - DIS. GUST. ING. Way too artificially flavored. Super weird after taste. Odd texture. I much prefer just making the chocolate pudding into soft serve.

Soups

Cream of Broccoli - Well, you know how I feel about that. I actually don't mind it too much anymore, but definitely not my favorite.

Maryland Crab - Probably my favorite of the soups I've tried. Added Old Bay, of course.

Chili - Since you only use a half cup of water to make it, it's a very small serving. I thought it was very weird the first time I made it. I read some pointers online (this actually applies to all the soups) about mixing them up the day before so the dried veggies have a chance to soften up and the flavors get better. So now I do that (for the Maryland crab too), mix in some extra seasonings, and it's fine. I have read that some people really hate this one though.

Next up: Beef Stew, Chicken Noodle, Cream of Tomato

Bars

Smore's; Chocolate Crunch; Peanut Butter Crunch: I'd rate these all about the same. They're pretty good. Not as good as the Fiber One bars I used to eat, but they'll do.

Lemon Meringue - Not as good as the others, but I like it for a change of pace from the others. Jay hated it.

Next up: Caramel Crunch, Cinnamon Roll

Puffs & Pretzels

Chili Nacho Cheese Puffs - My other fav, along with the orange creme shake. Little round psuedo cheese curls. They satisfy my need to munch. I usually have these as my mid-afternoon meal, along with a Diet Coke. Jay also said these are one of his favorite things so far.

Honey Mustard Pretzels - Not nearly as good as the puffs, in my opinion, but good for a change of pace.

Next up: Parmesan Cheese Puffs

Brownie

The brownie is decent. A nice change from the frosties for dessert, but I definitely prefer my pudding frosty.

Oatmeal

I didn't order any because I hate oatmeal. But, I have since read recipes for making the oatmeal into muffins. So, my next order includes blueberry oatmeal.

General Comments:

• I think everything kind of has a weird after taste that you start to get used to.
• Low expectations. Keep in mind that these are meal replacements and not gourmet food. Everything (except the puffs and pretzels) is made from adding water. What do you expect? It's pretty much exactly what I was expecting based on those expectations.
• If you try something once and don't like it, don't give up on it. It may grow on you. Or, you may find a way of mixing it up (more water, less water, blending, shaking, etc) that makes it better.
• I definitely like mixing up my meals. Shake for breakfast. Bar mid-morning. Soup for lunch. Puffs or pretzels mid-afternoon. Pudding frosty late evening.
• There are some crazy creative people who have come up with recipes for making the cream soups into chips and "bread" using panini makers. I haven't tried them yet, but I plan to.
• I have pretty much kept everything simple. That's what I was going for after all. But, after reading the discussion boards and other bloggers who write about Medifast, there are a lot of ways that you can split up the Lean & Green into smaller meals, or add bits of it to the Medifast meals and create very interesting meals. I'll let you know if I try anything.

So, this was super long, but I know some of my fans have been awaiting details of the foods. And, there you have it.

PPJs

Today I wore PPJs: Pre-Pregnancy Jeans!

And, that is all.

The One?

I remember when I was single (particularly when I was single and all my friends were either dating, engaged, or married), and after every decent first date, I would wonder, could this be "THE ONE"? Well, that is what I am wondering now about Medifast. Is this the one? The one that is actually going to work for me? The one that I am going to stick to? The one that gets me on track with my health? If the first week (and now about a third of the way into my second week) is any indication, perhaps the answer is yes. And, if the answer is yes, the obvious next question is: Where have you been all my life?

Here's a quick synopsis of the first week.

Day 1:

• Insanely hungry by noon.
• Insane headache by 1pm.
• Insane. Period. by 4 pm.
• Felt like I was constantly watching the clock, waiting for my next "meal".
• I have never been so damned excited to eat a freakin' piece of grilled chicken and green beans (my "Lean & Green" meal) in my whole freakin' life.
• Thoughts: OK, they said the first few days to a week were the hardest. They said all of these things would happen. You got through the first day. Good job. Side note: I got a sick satisfaction out of feeling like I was starving, like I was really accomplishing something.

Day 2:

• Pretty hungry by lunchtime.
• Slight headache by late afternoon.
• Thoughts: Hmmmm, seems like it's getting easier.

Day 3:

• No longer watching the clock.
• No longer feeling hungry.
• No headache.
• Thoughts: Wow, I think I can do this.

Day 4 :

• Smooth sailing.

Days 5 - 7:

• Several challenging social situations.
• Friday, we went out to dinner with friends who were in town. I had no alcohol, ordered a big garden salad, and we all ate steamed crabs (leanest). Everyone ordered a bunch of appetizers, and I ate one piece of calamari, half of a chip with a tiny bit of guacamole, and 2 steamed shrimp.
• Saturday was my daughter's 2nd birthday and I spent the day baking cupcakes/cake for her party the next day, and we had my family over to celebrate with make-your-own pizzas. I just had a big salad with grilled chicken. No cupcakes for me!
• Sunday was her party, which we had at a park. I just took a couple Medifast bars and ate those, and passed on the sandwich tray, pasta salad and chips, actually I ate 2 chips. Still, no cake or cupcakes.
• YAY me!!

Judgement Day aka Monday's Weigh-in:

• I lost 13.6 lbs!! WHAT?!?!? I lost all of the weight I managed to put on during my 1 month + hyatis, plus an additional pound or so. WOOOO-WHOOOOO!!!!

Week 2:

• Smooth sailing.
• Not only do I not watch the clock, I have to remember to eat every 2-3 hours. Seriously, I am just not that hungry.
• Haven't weighed myself yet, but today I wore freshly washed jeans, and they slipped right on. Usually there is a serious routine of squats, stretches, and not breathing for the first 10 minutes after putting them on.
• I feel fully committed to this. I feel like it is going to work. I feel confident that I can do this.
• I have more energy.
• Jay is jealous and is starting the program tomorrow! :-)

Things I like:

• Only having to plan one meal per day...and really enjoying that meal.
• Not feeling hungry.
• Not feeling overwhelmed with food preparation and constantly thinking about my next meal.

So, is Medifast the one? Only time will tell.

Stay tuned for another post with my commentary on the Medifast food. The good, the bad, and the repulsive.

Weight Loss

Total in 2011: 22.2 lbs

Medifast Week 1: 13.6 lbs

All In. Cop Out.

That's kind of how I feel right now. With what I have decided to do, there's no doubt, I'm going ALL IN. At the same time, I feel a bit like it's a COP OUT. After several weeks and a lot of thinking, researching, and discussion with my hubs (really, there wasn't much else for me to fill my time with since I wasn't exercising...or planning healthy meals...or cooking nutritious food), I've decided to try out the Medifast plan.

The program was originally created 20 years ago for patients who were preparing to undergo bariatric surgery and needed to lose weight (fairly quickly) and learn to eat restricted calories before the surgery. It's gotta be good if it was designed by doctors and, I quote, "recommended by over 20,000 doctors." Right? :-)

Here is a quick overview from their website.

THE MEDIFAST 5 & 1 PLAN

One simple plan, every day

The Medifast 5 & 1 Plan: Each day, you enjoy five Medifast Meals and one Lean & Green Meal.

Five Medifast Meals
Choose five Medifast Meals from over 70 different choices, including shakes, soups, stew, chili, oatmeal, eggs, fruit drinks, iced teas, hot beverages, crunch bars, pretzel sticks, cheese puffs, puddings, brownies, soft-serve, and pancakes.

One Lean & Green Meal
This includes a generous serving of lean protein along with three servings of non-starchy vegetables. You can choose dinnertime for your Lean & Green Meal, or enjoy it at any time that works with your schedule.

Basically, I'll eat 5 Medifast meals a day. Personally, I would hardly call them "MEALS". They are meal replacements consisting of bars, shakes, oatmeal, eggs, soups, and puffs. I hate oatmeal and fake eggs, so my options are even more limited. The puffs, well, we'll see. Supposedly, they will give me the satisfying crunch and semi-saltiness of the chips I so dearly love. Currently, I'm a skeptic on that one. The 6th meal will be a serving of a protein of my choosing and three servings of veggies. You eat every 2-3 hours throughout the day.

They also outline very comprehensive transition and maintenance phases, as they realize that no one will stay on this plan forever.

Here are some highlights that I find, oh, shall I say interesting?

• If you are not currently exercising, they suggest not beginning a new exercise regime for 2-3 weeks as you adjust to the new eating program and calorie restrictions. Am I really being told NOT to exercise? SIGN ME UP!!!
• For the first three days, you may feel tired, have headaches, and be irritable. Jay is soooo excited about that part. I told him it wouldn't be that different from any other day, when I already experience 2 out of 3 of those on a regular basis.

Biggest concerns:

• Starving to death.
• Missing "real" food.
• Farting. A. Lot. Apparently, there is a lot of soy products in the "meals" which often leads to a tad bit of gassiness. Another thing Jay is excited about.
• People thinking I am a pathetic loser, who can't just lose weight like a normal human being. Seriously, I am afraid of being judged, and I already keep telling myself all the things that I think people will think. "Well, it doesn't teach you healthy eating." "You can't stick to that forever." "Just do what everyone else does and eat right and exercise." On and on and on, these things go through my head. And, I wish it were that simple. But, when you have 50+ lbs to lose and feel like you are completely floundering and the finish line seems so very far away, it's hard to not grasp at straws and try something that is "taking the easy way out." Another thing that I hear in the endless soundtrack in my mind. I just really want a jump start.
• Failing. Again.

On a positive note, I went into a local Medifast Center last week, and they did a full body analysis. It included all sorts of things like the usual weight, body fat percentage, and BMI, but also some additional things like lean muscle mass, body water percentage, basal metabolic rate, skeletal weight. Some of the results made me feel just a wee bit better about myself.

• In the several weeks (actually, I've lost track at this point), probably a month, since I have fallen off the wagon (and, let's face it, gotten run over by it), I have only gained back 10 of the max 21 lbs I lost earlier in the year.
• Yes, I am overweight (duh), but I also have above average muscle mass. Could have fooled me! I was pretty sure I had converted to nothing but a lump of suet. Fat and Strong. Fat and Strong. That's me.
• Based on my skeletal and muscle mass, I don't need to lose as much weight as indicated by BMI standards in order to be healthy. This probably makes me happiest of all. As a 6' tall female, in order to be at a healthy BMI, I have to be at a ridiculous weight that I probably haven't seen since 9th grade, when I was not fat at all. It is nice to have other factors taken into consideration.

All this to say, tomorrow, I cop out and go all in.