Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Life in the (medi)Fast Lane

After a rocky few weeks months, I've decided to resume Medifast, at least through Thanksgiving. I guess I'm just not ready to have the freedom that Weight Watchers allows me. Although, that's kind of a cop out because if I actually stuck to the plan, it wouldn't allow me too much freedom. But, you know me, all or nothing. I still WANT that to be the type of lifestyle diet I can follow at some point, but I'm not quite there yet. So, I'm bummed about that, but I am also seeing the positive in that I am reigning myself in before I get so far gone that I give up, as I have done in the past. I haven't given up. Despite these abysmal numbers...

8/21: lowest weight (for about a half a second)
9/19: +4 lbs
10/17: +12.8 lbs (yes, that is a 3lb/wk gain. Sickening!)
11/4: +4 lbs

UGH, it is so embarrassing to put that out there to the blogging universe, but I think it's a good reality check of how quickly and easily things can get away from you me. In less than 3 months, I have gained 20+ lbs. GROSS!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?!? Me, that's who. But now, enough self-berating. Time to move on and do something about it.

I wish I could put into words what it feels like to be so out of control about something that seems so simple: eating. I truly don't think unless you have been there, you can understand it. If anyone has a good description, I'd love for you to share it.


  1. I understand. I don't know if I can put it into words.. but I will try. Sometimes it is just as if some other part of me takes over. I call her "the other Jill". She knows when she is eating for the wrong reasons. She knows she will regret it "tomorrow". She knows she will eat so much that she will feel sick to her stomach. The thing is- she doesn't care. It is as if she is going to show me that she is the one in control. She calls the shots. What is so weird is that they are both me. I go to this place where I just don't care. And I eat and eat. I have a bunch of really bad eating days and then maybe a good day sprinkled in here and there. My weight starts to creep up. Then comes the negative self talk. I feel like a failure. Like I can't do it- and as you said it seems so simple. Just eat less and move more. Then there are days when I am in total control and it IS easy. I often try and figure out what makes one day easy and one day impossible. I have not been able to figure it out. What I do know is that I like being in control. I like eating healthy. I like exercising. I like feeling successful. When I lose control- I try to get back on track ASAP and do what I know how to do. Over time the good days seem to out number the bad days. That is what I strive for. More good days than bad.
    I don't know if this is how you feel or not- but I want you to know that I do understand the embarrassment, the shame, sadness and frustration.
    I think it is GREAT that you have realized that WW is not right for you now- and you didn't quit. You are trying to find what works for you. That is success in my opinion.
    Keep trying- never quit. You have the strength to this!!!

  2. So, Jill, what you're telling me is that I have multiple personalities!!! :-)

    I think you really put it soooo well. I guess the hardest part to figure out is, if I like the way I feel when I am eating right and working out, and I like to do those things, then WHY is it so easy to get away from those things? Why do I convince myself that it is enjoyable to be "bad"?

    More good days than bad...that's a good goal!

    Thanks, Jill!