Tuesday, May 31, 2011

MF Week 7 Weigh-in

I hope I am not letting my tens and tens (probably more like fives and fives) of readers down. I have so many anecdotes and crazy thoughts I want to share with you, but I have had a serious lack of time lately. I hope to do a more significant post this week, but in the meantime, here are this week's results: down 6!!!

WTH?!?!? No idea how or why, but I'll take it!!

Weight Loss
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: (2.4, 3.2, 6, tbd)
Medifast Total (7 weeks): 36.6 lbs
Total in 2011: 45.2 lbs

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

This Week's Weigh-In

Down another 3.2 lbs!

Weight Loss
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Month 2: (2.4, 3.2, tbd, tbd)
Medifast Total (6 weeks): 30.6 lbs
Total in 2011: 39.2 lbs

Monday, May 16, 2011

Still Fat

As you may have read in my previous post, which reported this week's weigh-in and loss, I am really chugging right along with this whole weight loss thing.

I should be saying "YAY me!" Which I am saying a lot more than I have in recent memory. My clothes fit better, I've gone down 2 pant sizes, my double chin is almost gone, my rings are lose. It's obvious that I am losing weight...to me. And that's the part I hate. When you have so much weight to lose, the average passer-by on the street (and, yes, I am sure that everyone is checking me out when they pass me by!!), still sees me as fat. They don't know that I've already lost 36 lbs.

Even most people who see me regularly, don't really know how much weight I've lost (unless they are closet readers of my blog...I know you're out there!!). And, they certainly don't know how much I have left to lose. Here's an example. At work the other day, someone asked me if I was losing weight. YES, yes, I am, thank you very much! So nice to know that it is noticeable. But, I kid you not, she could hardly contain her surprise when I told her how much weight I had lost (which was last week and I said about 30 lbs). The surprise was not, "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight." It was was shock, "Wow, you've lost 30 lbs and are still that overweight."

Some people who have lost 30+ lbs are completely transformed, even if they still have another 20 to lose. They've already gone from fat to thin. Not me, I would still be considered by most to be a "big girl." A label that I don't know will ever elude me at 6 ft tall and a goal weight that is a good 10 - 20 lbs above the "healthy" weight range for my height.

Alas, I forge on...

All Food, All the Time

Wow, what a challenging weekend! I thought about food constantly. All day and night for nearly 72 hours straight. Food was in my dreams and my thoughts. All. The. Time. And, it wasn't just a craving of one thing. It was a craving all things. I wanted burgers...and fries...and sushi...and ribs...and brownie sundaes...and chips...and the salsa that goes along with it, of course. If not food, then wine. Oh, how I miss my wine. It all began Thursday, with a restless night spent tossing and turning between sweet sweet dreams of all things food.

Saturday was particularly challenging because I was frustrated and stressed, and all I could think about was a delicious Whopper and fries that I just knew would make everything all better. It wouldn't, I know that, but my rational self was resorting to old tactics of stress relief. Which really was never stress relief at all and usually resulted in self-loathing for not have the willpower to resist stuffing my face. Ultimately, that is what allowed me to muddle through the weekend. I could not, would not, allow myself to feel that way. Would it taste good? YES! Would it make me feel less stressed? NO! Would it make me feel bad about myself? YES! I knew that when I stepped on the scale Monday morning, no matter what it read, I would be thinking "what if." I would be able to shame myself for any number that showed up. If I still lost, it could have been more. If I broke even, I could have lost. If I gained...well, I won't go there. No matter what, it would not have been worth it.

So, I made it through. I was hopeful that the scale would reward me for facing this challenge head-on. I already knew that if I wasn't satisfied with the number on the scale this morning, then I would immediately start thinking, "I may as well have given in to my cravings this weekend." And, that would leave me facing another challenge, one I have faced and not overcome many many times before. Taking just one little step down that slippery road to losing control. After all, when you are an "all or nothing" person, it's just one small step between a stumble and a landslide back down this mountain you are trying to climb.

The scale, while showing a loss, was not as generous as it has been in recent weeks. Still, it was quite a victory. I cannot ever recalling a time when I did not give in at all to cravings as strong as those I was having this weekend. There would have always been a way to justify a Whopper into my plan. And, certainly I deserved a BIG glass of wine! But, not this time. I did it. And, you know what I realized? No food or drink could have made my stress go away any better than knowing that I overcame this obstacle did. And, a nice even 36 lb weight loss for the year, so far, certainly makes things seem a little brighter.

Weight Loss
Medifast Week 5: 2.4 lbs
Medifast Month 2: (2.4, tbd, tbd, tbd)
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Total (5 weeks): 27.4 lbs
Total in 2011: 36 lbs

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Weekly Weigh-in

Unfortunately, I don't have time to really blog right now, but I am working on a good one...in my mind.

Just a quick update on this week's weigh-in. I was down another 4.2 lbs! Yippee! A nice even 25 lbs for my first month on Medifast. Still loving it. I even enjoyed two dinners out and dinner at my parents' house this past weekend and still managed to lose. On any other plan, this would have been a break-even week at best!

Weight Loss
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Total (1 month): 25 lbs
Total in 2011: 33.6 lbs

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Normal Eating...What's That?

I have started reading (again) one of the books I bought earlier in this journey: The Rules of "Normal" Eating by Karen Koenig. While Medifast is working great for me, and I do believe it is teaching me some important lessons about my relationship with food, I also realize this isn't "normal" eating. So, while I am doing this, I want to start to arm myself with the knowledge and tools to help me make a smooth transition when the time comes.

I haven't gotten too far into the book, but I was really struck by some of the things I read last night. Check this out, and see whether or not you do these things.

Koenig says, "Unconscious behaviors of "normal eaters when they are eating include:
  • They breathe regularly. (I think I do this.)
  • They chew their food well before swallowing it. (Not likely, I am a speed eater.)
  • They look up from their plate often. (Maybe, if I am in good company. By myself, rarely.)
  • They pause and enjoy the taste of what they are eating. (I really do appreciate good food, but I don't think I take time to savor and enjoy it.)
  • They put their fork or spoon down occasionally and don't think of utensils as extensions of their arm. (Go, go Gadget arm utensils!)
  • They have silent, automatic, back-burner dialogue with themselves regularly while eating to see if they are still hungry or have reached fullness or satisfaction. (Haven't heard that voice.)
  • They focus on the food in front of them, not what they ate yesterday or what they will be eating tomorrow. (People really do that?!?! I am always thinking about the before and after.)
  • They don't care what's on someone else's plate or imagine that anyone cares what's on theirs. (I do care and generally imagine I am being judged about what I am eating if I feel like it is indulgent.)
Here is how not to stay connected to your body while eating:
  • Shovel or gobble your food. (check)
  • Guilt trip, shame, or hate yourself for what you are eating or what you ate earlier. (always)
  • Eat as much as the person next to you. (That's never a problem.)
  • Tell yourself that you don't deserve to eat. (I've told myself that, but did it anyway. Then...refer to the second bullet point here.)
  • Eat as little as the person next to you. (I do monitor.)
  • Forget to breathe or taste the food. (Not sure about this one.)
  • Rush through the meal. (Yep.)
  • Struggle not to eat anything. (Yep.)
  • Eat when you are too stressed to enjoy food. (Always.)
  • Worry while you're eating. (Often.)
  • Feel self-conscious about what you're eating. (Oh yeah.)
  • Eat to please someone else. (I've done that too.)
YES!!! I got them all right! Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to answer YES, to every stinkin' one of those questions.

And, the work continues...

Forbidden Fruit

Last night, I had the most vivid dream, dare I call it a fantasy. In this "fantasy", I was sitting at the kitchen table with a gigantic bowl of fruit salad in front of me, and I proceed to devour the entire thing, shoving the fruit in with my hands, juice dripping down my my face, gorging myself with watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and other pieces of sweet juicy deliciousness.

Apparently, I am missing fruit, though I hadn't really thought about. Since Medifast is a low-carb diet, there is no fruit during the weight-loss phase. As of now, I am OK with that considering I lost another 4 lbs this week! Woot-woot! Screw you fruit...who needs ya! See ya in my dreams! :-)

Weight Loss
Medifast Week 3: 4 lbs
Medifast Week 2: 3.2 lbs
Medifast Week 1: 13.6 lbs
Medifast Total (3 weeks): 20.8 lbs
Total in 2011: 29.4