Monday, May 16, 2011

All Food, All the Time

Wow, what a challenging weekend! I thought about food constantly. All day and night for nearly 72 hours straight. Food was in my dreams and my thoughts. All. The. Time. And, it wasn't just a craving of one thing. It was a craving all things. I wanted burgers...and fries...and sushi...and ribs...and brownie sundaes...and chips...and the salsa that goes along with it, of course. If not food, then wine. Oh, how I miss my wine. It all began Thursday, with a restless night spent tossing and turning between sweet sweet dreams of all things food.

Saturday was particularly challenging because I was frustrated and stressed, and all I could think about was a delicious Whopper and fries that I just knew would make everything all better. It wouldn't, I know that, but my rational self was resorting to old tactics of stress relief. Which really was never stress relief at all and usually resulted in self-loathing for not have the willpower to resist stuffing my face. Ultimately, that is what allowed me to muddle through the weekend. I could not, would not, allow myself to feel that way. Would it taste good? YES! Would it make me feel less stressed? NO! Would it make me feel bad about myself? YES! I knew that when I stepped on the scale Monday morning, no matter what it read, I would be thinking "what if." I would be able to shame myself for any number that showed up. If I still lost, it could have been more. If I broke even, I could have lost. If I gained...well, I won't go there. No matter what, it would not have been worth it.

So, I made it through. I was hopeful that the scale would reward me for facing this challenge head-on. I already knew that if I wasn't satisfied with the number on the scale this morning, then I would immediately start thinking, "I may as well have given in to my cravings this weekend." And, that would leave me facing another challenge, one I have faced and not overcome many many times before. Taking just one little step down that slippery road to losing control. After all, when you are an "all or nothing" person, it's just one small step between a stumble and a landslide back down this mountain you are trying to climb.

The scale, while showing a loss, was not as generous as it has been in recent weeks. Still, it was quite a victory. I cannot ever recalling a time when I did not give in at all to cravings as strong as those I was having this weekend. There would have always been a way to justify a Whopper into my plan. And, certainly I deserved a BIG glass of wine! But, not this time. I did it. And, you know what I realized? No food or drink could have made my stress go away any better than knowing that I overcame this obstacle did. And, a nice even 36 lb weight loss for the year, so far, certainly makes things seem a little brighter.

Weight Loss
Medifast Week 5: 2.4 lbs
Medifast Month 2: (2.4, tbd, tbd, tbd)
Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)
Medifast Total (5 weeks): 27.4 lbs
Total in 2011: 36 lbs

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