Anything Will Work

As I continue my research to determine my next strategic move, the scale continues to collect dust. After this weekend at the beach to celebrate my mom's 60th birthday, I will start anew. The official date: Monday, April 4th. I am soooo dreading stepping on the scale that morning. I suspect that I will be too embarrassed to report the findings of my gross negligence these past several weeks.

I am still trying to figure out the best course of action to kick start myself back into gear. Here are a few things I am taking into consideration. First, I am going to be working 4 days a week beginning the third week in April. This means that I will have less time for food preparation and exercising.

I think the keys are:

1. Simplicity.

2. Ease of execution.

3. Realistic.

4. Quick Jump Start.

Numbers 1-3 are pretty obvious. Personally, I feel that I need #4 to get me motivated again. I fully understand that what I was doing before was working (with pretty quick results, too), but I fear that the amount of planning, preparation, and exercising I was doing will not be realistic with my new schedule. I may need something that will work in the short term to get me seeing results. Long term, yes, I want to fully adopt a healthy lifestyle that I can maintain. Short term, F-that, I just want to lose some weight!!!

I have been researching something like Nutrisystem, where there is minimal preparation and planning needed. I've looked into it and the cost, considering you are only buying fresh produce and dairy, is fairly reasonable. My husband and I have actually discussed both of us doing this for a few months to give us a little kick start. From my extensive research (seriously...HOURS....and to think, I could have been exercising during that time!), most people agree that is works, the food is average, and it is a good short term solution. I am sure I will get sick of the food pretty quickly. We'll see. Still contemplating.

The bottom line is that just about anything will work as long as you stick to it. So right now, it's about figuring out what I am most likely to stick to.

Truly, the amount of time I spend obsessing about all of this is exhausting. In my next life, I would like to come back as a naturally thin person with a super high metabolism who just LOVES exercising and eating healthy. In the meantime, though, I am not ready to start my next life, so I need to figure out a way to get myself healthy and make this life last as long as possible.

Kris, I am sorry to tell you, you are not the biggest loser.

Well, I sure as hell feel like a big loser the way things have been going recently!

After re-reading my last two posts, I feel as though I am letting down my fans (a big shout out to all 5 of you). There really wasn't much humor in either post. For that, my friends, I am sorry. So, I decided to do a bonus post this week (LUCKY, LUCKY you) to tell you about my obsession with weight loss shows.

First, let me set the scene. While I watch most of these shows, I am sitting my fat ass on the couch eating something.

Tuesday night. Biggest Loser. Ice cream.

Nap time. Random DVR'd shows such as Heavy (A&E) or I Used to be Fat (MTV). Chips.

You get the picture.

Anyway, I LOVE these shows. As I sit there, stuffing my face with God only knows what, I think, "WOW, if these people can do it, I can do it too." And, of course, I boost myself up with rude thoughts (or sometimes spoken out loud to my husband) such as: "She is way fatter than me." "If that fatty can run, so can I." "I used to be an athlete, for God's sake." Nice, huh?

Each time, I watch, I am inspired to get off the couch (tomorrow, of course) and start working out like a mad woman. I have even gone so far as to research the cost of places like the Biggest Loser Resort and Hilton Head Health (from Heavy), and see if I can sign myself up for a week or so there. Too expensive, of course. Well then, I will join the Biggest Loser Club, buy all the cookbooks, jump start books, workout books, and DVDs they offer. This is not a joke...I did do this a couple years ago. (Worked wonders, as you can see.) Maybe I'll sign up for the meal plan. Who knows. The world is my oyster, with the right plan, I can do buy anything!

My addiction to weight loss shows (and their by-products) is nearly as bad as my addiction to food!

Rethinking Things

I am doing what I always do when I find myself in this situation: trying to come up with a new, grander, better plan! Let's just completely forget the fact that what I was doing for the first 7 weeks worked with ease. Let's just forget the fact that I felt better than I had in a long, long time.

Saying that I am truly disgusted with myself is an understatement. I have not gotten on the scale this week, but I suspect I have packed on many pounds in the past two weeks since I last weighed myself. At one point, I was down 21 lbs. Right now, I would be happy to still be down 11 lbs. Add to this the fact that all I can think about is how I have basically wasted the past 3+ weeks, and if I had continued with the positive changes I had made, I should be down about 30 lbs by now. It's sickening.

Why do I sabotage my own efforts? I really don't know. I wish I did. What sense does it make? NONE! Especially considering that I really want this.

What I hate most is how I think that other people probably think I am the weakest person in the world. I am sure the fact that I am so concerned about what other people are thinking is a problem unto itself.

How can it be that difficult to simply say no to unhealthy food? Or to stop yourself from a binge that has gone way out of control? I don't have the answers. All I know is that it is REALLY REALLY HARD. And, I suspect that unless you have/had this issue yourself, it is probably impossible to comprehend the challenge that it is.

The next two weekends include a girls night out and a whole weekend away celebrating my mom's 60th birthday. A rational person would probably do something like try to be as healthy as possible during the week and then allow themselves to enjoy the weekends without too many restrictions or guilt. Me, crazy lady that I am, start thinking, "Well, I may as well write of the next 2 weeks and set my sights on April 4th." With my new, grander, better plan in place, of course.

Short & Sweet (Did someone say sweets?!?!?)

I am going to keep this short, but I felt like I had to post something to all my loyal readers. :-)

Am I back on the wagon? No.

How do I feel about that? Like crap.

Have I weighed in this week? HEEELLLLLZ NO!

And, there you have it. I am full of negative thoughts, and what ifs, and I shoulds, and thinking about where I could be if I hadn't royally f-ed up.

It seems so simple. Start the F*&$ over. Easier said than done.

I'll keep you posted.

WRONG WAY

Well, that pretty much says it all. I've been on a week-long food binge and exercise purge. All food, no exercise does not make for happy results on the scale. I gained 2 (more) lbs this week. Frankly, I am surprised it wasn't more. This has been a no holds barred binge. For some, a binge may mean they ate too much ice cream one night or have an extra slice of pizza or too many chips with their sandwich. PUH-leeeeeease. A binge for me means I eat anything and everything I want, and some things I don't want just because I'm in that mindset.

Here are some of the lovely things I have eaten this week:

1) ice cream (pretty much every night)

2) cheetos, doritos, chips

3) fried chicken

4) pizza (and not just a slice or two)

5) McDonald's sausage biscuit

6) Chinese carry-out

7) Cheese steak sub

8) French fries (with gravy)

9) A million ounces of Diet Coke

Are you ready to vomit yet? And, that is just a sampling. Am I embarrassed to write this down for all the world to see? You bet I am. But, what would be the point of a weight-loss blog (I might have to change the name of my blog if this trend continues) if I am not honest about the struggles.

So, am I ready to motivate myself again? Eh, not really. My birthday is this weekend, and I am kind of in the mind set that I will re-commit myself after my birthday. I guess that would actually be re-re-commit myself since I was supposed to re-commit myself last week.

I haven't read any more of the wonderful books I ordered. Hard to turn the pages when my fingers are so busy stuffing food into my face. Besides, even if I did read while eating, I'd have to keep licking the beautiful bright orange processed cheese off my fingers before I could turn the pages.

So, I end the blog not knowing what I plan on doing this week. Honestly. I don't know.

Total weight loss in 8 weeks: 16 lbs (+5 from my highest of 21 lbs)