Rethinking Things

I am doing what I always do when I find myself in this situation: trying to come up with a new, grander, better plan! Let's just completely forget the fact that what I was doing for the first 7 weeks worked with ease. Let's just forget the fact that I felt better than I had in a long, long time.

Saying that I am truly disgusted with myself is an understatement. I have not gotten on the scale this week, but I suspect I have packed on many pounds in the past two weeks since I last weighed myself. At one point, I was down 21 lbs. Right now, I would be happy to still be down 11 lbs. Add to this the fact that all I can think about is how I have basically wasted the past 3+ weeks, and if I had continued with the positive changes I had made, I should be down about 30 lbs by now. It's sickening.

Why do I sabotage my own efforts? I really don't know. I wish I did. What sense does it make? NONE! Especially considering that I really want this.

What I hate most is how I think that other people probably think I am the weakest person in the world. I am sure the fact that I am so concerned about what other people are thinking is a problem unto itself.

How can it be that difficult to simply say no to unhealthy food? Or to stop yourself from a binge that has gone way out of control? I don't have the answers. All I know is that it is REALLY REALLY HARD. And, I suspect that unless you have/had this issue yourself, it is probably impossible to comprehend the challenge that it is.

The next two weekends include a girls night out and a whole weekend away celebrating my mom's 60th birthday. A rational person would probably do something like try to be as healthy as possible during the week and then allow themselves to enjoy the weekends without too many restrictions or guilt. Me, crazy lady that I am, start thinking, "Well, I may as well write of the next 2 weeks and set my sights on April 4th." With my new, grander, better plan in place, of course.