Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Rewind - Fast Forward - Pause

Sometimes I feel like weight issues need to be classified as a mental illness. I know that most people who struggle with their weight tend to have some other emotional and/or psychological issues stemming from past or present issues. Personally, I just feel like a crazy person. Is it wrong that I sometimes wish I had some sort of tragedy or trauma or deep-seeded psychological issue on which to blame my weight? The only excuses I seem to come up with are laziness and a lack of motivation and willpower. Of course I don't really want to have experienced something horrible in my past only to have something at which to point my finger and say, "Damn you, tragedy, you made me fat." But, I also don't like looking in the mirror and pointing my finger at myself and saying, "Damn you, Kris, you made yourself fat."

Despite not having any overt issues, I am sure there are underlying issues that I should probably explore. (Side note: Don't you just love the word "issues"? It's so all-encompassing. I could be talking about emotional damage from a divorce or the fact that there is snow outside, and I am stuck in the house with my kids. Both present "issues." In my case, the latter is actually more of an "issue".) Anyway, I digress. I think during the next phase of my journey, I am going to start exploring more of the psychology of weight gain/loss and body image and self-esteem. From everything I've read, in order to maintain weight loss, these issues must be addressed.

So, after all that, you are probably thinking I've gained back every pound I have lost thus far. That is not the case at all. In fact, it was a pretty good week (until last night...more about that later...and you'll see why I obviously have issues.) By Thursday, I had lost all of the almost 5 lbs I had gained over the previous and weighed-in at the exact same weight as I had on the previous Friday. Not bad. Two days to gain 5 lbs, three days to lose it. Going forward, my goal was to lose an additional one pound during the rest of the week. And, that's what I did. 1.2 pounds to be exact. That means in the course of the week (from Monday to Monday) I lost exactly 6 lbs. I was happy, but I just kept thinking, "What if I hadn't gained those 5 lbs the previous weekend?" Instead of a net lost of only 1.2 pounds, it could have been 2 or 3 or maybe even 4. So then what did I do? I binged on a disgusting amount of terribly unhealthy Chinese food last night. See...ISSUES.

Total weight loss in 7 weeks: 21.6 lbs.


  1. I think 21+ pounds in 7 weeks is pretty great! However, I totally get the need for a scapegoat. I can't tell you how many times I've had my thyroid checked. Recently my thought has been, If I get pregnant I won't have to worry about being overweight for a while, which I know is a really crazy (and inaccurate) thought. Also, I've met w/ lobby groups trying to get the goverment to classify weight issues as mental health, so you're not alone there, either!

  2. Patra - I totally took that mindset with pregnancy...both times. Now look at me! LOL So, I don't recommend it entirely, but I do think it is nice to have a mental break from the constant weight loss thoughts. Less stress = better for baby, right?!?! Maybe I should have another one! Then, I'd really be CRAZY!! Thanks for reading!