"I Can Do It Myself"

That is one of my 2-year-old's favorite sentences. And, she's right. Most of the things I try to do for her, like put on her jacket or wipe her face and hands are all things she can do herself. She feels so proud when she accomplishes these things on her own.

I wish I had her confidence. Lately, these are the only things that I seem to be doing successfully by myself:
Self-destructing.
Self-sabotaging.
Self-deprecating.

I mean, I guess I should feel proud of myself, too, because I am REALLY good at those things. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better. I just can't seem to get out of this cycle.

Life in the (medi)Fast Lane

After a rocky few weeks months, I've decided to resume Medifast, at least through Thanksgiving. I guess I'm just not ready to have the freedom that Weight Watchers allows me. Although, that's kind of a cop out because if I actually stuck to the plan, it wouldn't allow me too much freedom. But, you know me, all or nothing. I still WANT that to be the type of lifestyle diet I can follow at some point, but I'm not quite there yet. So, I'm bummed about that, but I am also seeing the positive in that I am reigning myself in before I get so far gone that I give up, as I have done in the past. I haven't given up. Despite these abysmal numbers...

8/21: lowest weight (for about a half a second)
9/19: +4 lbs
10/17: +12.8 lbs (yes, that is a 3lb/wk gain. Sickening!)
11/4: +4 lbs

UGH, it is so embarrassing to put that out there to the blogging universe, but I think it's a good reality check of how quickly and easily things can get away from you me. In less than 3 months, I have gained 20+ lbs. GROSS!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?!? Me, that's who. But now, enough self-berating. Time to move on and do something about it.

I wish I could put into words what it feels like to be so out of control about something that seems so simple: eating. I truly don't think unless you have been there, you can understand it. If anyone has a good description, I'd love for you to share it.