It's New Year's Day!!

Every fat girl's favorite day of the year. Filled with all the hopes and possibilities of wearing skinny jeans and tankinis. (Yes, that's right, tankinis. I have no delusions of grandeur. My bikini days have long since passed, not that I ever really had them!)

A year ago, I started this blog, with the same resolution I have this year. Health, fitness, and weight loss. So, that leaves me wondering what I accomplished in a year.

Basically, the year went like this. From Jan until March, I made steady progress by counting calories and eating more healthfully, losing about 20 lbs. During March and April, I went off course, gaining back half of the weight I had lost in the first few months of the year. In April I began Medifast and lost weight quickly and steadily through August, when I was at my lowest weight of the year (down about 65 lbs). Since then, I have gone up and down using a variety of different strategies (or none at all), gaining and losing and gaining again at least 15 lbs. I haven't done my first official weigh in of the year, but I am pretty sure it is not going to be pretty as I have eaten with reckless abandon for the past two weeks. In fact, I suspect that my first weigh-in would not be a true reflection of my ending weight for the year, which is why I am going to give it a couple weeks of "normal" eating before I proclaim my final weight loss for the year. Oh, the mind games we play! Regardless, I think that I probably finished out 2011 with a total loss of 40-50 lbs. My positive self says, "Not too shabby." In an attempt to silence my negative self, I think I'll just leave it at that.

Now, on to 2012. I have several resolutions for this year, but they all fall into the general category of BALANCE. I'd like to find MIND<BODY<SPIRIT balance that I have not experienced in a long time, if ever. This, of course, includes weight loss, but more importantly a diet and exercise plan that I can maintain. There are several other areas of my life where I am aiming to create balance, but more on those another day. As part of my new balanced life, I am also going to try to balance my blog posts. While the primary focus will still be diet and fitness (although less focus on the scale and more focus on the lifestyle), I plan to include other posts about this whole MIND<BODY<SPIRIT connection. So, I hope you continue to read.

By the way, if you have any recommendations, such as books or web sites, related to this topic, I'd love to hear them.

Wishing you all the best that that this year has to offer, and all the best that you have to offer yourself! You deserve it!

What to do? What to do?

And that is all. Any ideas?

"I Can Do It Myself"

That is one of my 2-year-old's favorite sentences. And, she's right. Most of the things I try to do for her, like put on her jacket or wipe her face and hands are all things she can do herself. She feels so proud when she accomplishes these things on her own.

I wish I had her confidence. Lately, these are the only things that I seem to be doing successfully by myself:
Self-destructing.
Self-sabotaging.
Self-deprecating.

I mean, I guess I should feel proud of myself, too, because I am REALLY good at those things. Somehow, that doesn't make me feel any better. I just can't seem to get out of this cycle.

Life in the (medi)Fast Lane

After a rocky few weeks months, I've decided to resume Medifast, at least through Thanksgiving. I guess I'm just not ready to have the freedom that Weight Watchers allows me. Although, that's kind of a cop out because if I actually stuck to the plan, it wouldn't allow me too much freedom. But, you know me, all or nothing. I still WANT that to be the type of lifestyle diet I can follow at some point, but I'm not quite there yet. So, I'm bummed about that, but I am also seeing the positive in that I am reigning myself in before I get so far gone that I give up, as I have done in the past. I haven't given up. Despite these abysmal numbers...

8/21: lowest weight (for about a half a second)
9/19: +4 lbs
10/17: +12.8 lbs (yes, that is a 3lb/wk gain. Sickening!)
11/4: +4 lbs

UGH, it is so embarrassing to put that out there to the blogging universe, but I think it's a good reality check of how quickly and easily things can get away from you me. In less than 3 months, I have gained 20+ lbs. GROSS!!! WHO DOES THAT?!?!? Me, that's who. But now, enough self-berating. Time to move on and do something about it.

I wish I could put into words what it feels like to be so out of control about something that seems so simple: eating. I truly don't think unless you have been there, you can understand it. If anyone has a good description, I'd love for you to share it.

Lost & Found

Things I have lost over the past few weeks:
1) Mojo.
2) Discipline.
3) Structure.
4) Exercise.
5) Sleep.
6) Energy.


Things I have found over the past few weeks:
1) Stress.
2) Pounds.
3) Lethargy.
4) Fast Food.
5) Tight Pants.
6) Puffy Face.


Time to regroup, refocus, and move forward. Any tips?

Hello, Food!

Scale Victory
One week of eating real food doing Weight Watchers down. Also down was the number on the scale. Down 9 lbs!! Now, I should preface this by mentioning that when I weighed in last Monday after 3 weeks of on again off again Medifasting, I was up 13 lbs from my previous low. But, I'm glad to know that Weight Watchers allowed me to take off that excess water weight and bloating just like Medifast had. Now, I am only 4 lbs away from my previous low!


Non-Scale Victories
Due to craziness with getting ready to move and two birthday parties this weekend, there was a lot of eating away from home and/or eating carry out. I was able to reasonably do this and still get the stuff I really wanted. Here are a few examples. 

• Pizza Hut: house salad with lite Italian dressing and 3 slices of cheese pizza from a medium thin-n-crispy pizza
• Chipotle: chicken burrito bowl with 1/2 portion of rice, double fajita veggies, no cheese, and lettuce, tomato-corn salsa (HOLY DELICIOUSNESS)
• Kids Birthday Party: snacked on fruit/veggie tray and one slice of pizza (didn't eat the crust, so I counted it as thin crust)

Weight Watchers Modification
Many days, it was hard for me to eat all of points, especially since fruits and veggies are "free". I have incorporated a tip I learned from another blog. Sarah from Watch Sarah Shrink said she felt like she wasn't losing like she wanted to or should with all the free veggies/fruit, so she started counting each serving of fruits and veggies as one point. That is what I did, too. They are calories, after all. This is something that I may change as my daily points target gets lower, but I think I'll stick with it for now.


Going Forward
I'm looking forward to continuing to eating real food and losing weight at a reasonable pace until I reach my goal. Now that I don't have such a huge amount of weight to lose, losing a pound or so a week will keep me motivated. When I first started, one pound seemed like such a teeny tiny step down a never-ending path that would surely lead me off a cliff before I got to the finish line.


I am going to try my best to post once a week for the next couple of weeks, but if you don't see a post from me, don't worry. We are moving in a week, and it just means things are too busy! 


Weight Loss
This week: 9 lbs
Total: 64.4 lbs

Weight Watchers Day 1 (a photo journal)

Breakfast: 

Omelet of Egg Beaters, spinach, feta, MSF crumbles

Lunch: 

Salad with romaine, bell peppers, cucumber, salmon, and balsamic vinaigrette 

 Snack:

Grapes

Snack:

Light Microwave Popcorn

Dinner:

Spaghetti Squash Casserole with broccoli, canned diced tomatoes, chicken sausage, light mozzarella

Dessert:

Medifast Brownie with 1 Tbsp Natural Peanut Butter

(looks gross but tasted good!)