All Food, All the Time

Wow, what a challenging weekend! I thought about food constantly. All day and night for nearly 72 hours straight. Food was in my dreams and my thoughts. All. The. Time. And, it wasn't just a craving of one thing. It was a craving all things. I wanted burgers...and fries...and sushi...and ribs...and brownie sundaes...and chips...and the salsa that goes along with it, of course. If not food, then wine. Oh, how I miss my wine. It all began Thursday, with a restless night spent tossing and turning between sweet sweet dreams of all things food.

Saturday was particularly challenging because I was frustrated and stressed, and all I could think about was a delicious Whopper and fries that I just knew would make everything all better. It wouldn't, I know that, but my rational self was resorting to old tactics of stress relief. Which really was never stress relief at all and usually resulted in self-loathing for not have the willpower to resist stuffing my face. Ultimately, that is what allowed me to muddle through the weekend. I could not, would not, allow myself to feel that way. Would it taste good? YES! Would it make me feel less stressed? NO! Would it make me feel bad about myself? YES! I knew that when I stepped on the scale Monday morning, no matter what it read, I would be thinking "what if." I would be able to shame myself for any number that showed up. If I still lost, it could have been more. If I broke even, I could have lost. If I gained...well, I won't go there. No matter what, it would not have been worth it.

So, I made it through. I was hopeful that the scale would reward me for facing this challenge head-on. I already knew that if I wasn't satisfied with the number on the scale this morning, then I would immediately start thinking, "I may as well have given in to my cravings this weekend." And, that would leave me facing another challenge, one I have faced and not overcome many many times before. Taking just one little step down that slippery road to losing control. After all, when you are an "all or nothing" person, it's just one small step between a stumble and a landslide back down this mountain you are trying to climb.

The scale, while showing a loss, was not as generous as it has been in recent weeks. Still, it was quite a victory. I cannot ever recalling a time when I did not give in at all to cravings as strong as those I was having this weekend. There would have always been a way to justify a Whopper into my plan. And, certainly I deserved a BIG glass of wine! But, not this time. I did it. And, you know what I realized? No food or drink could have made my stress go away any better than knowing that I overcame this obstacle did. And, a nice even 36 lb weight loss for the year, so far, certainly makes things seem a little brighter.

Weight Loss

Medifast Week 5: 2.4 lbs

Medifast Month 2: (2.4, tbd, tbd, tbd)

Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)

Medifast Total (5 weeks): 27.4 lbs

Total in 2011: 36 lbs

Weekly Weigh-in

Unfortunately, I don't have time to really blog right now, but I am working on a good one...in my mind.

Just a quick update on this week's weigh-in. I was down another 4.2 lbs! Yippee! A nice even 25 lbs for my first month on Medifast. Still loving it. I even enjoyed two dinners out and dinner at my parents' house this past weekend and still managed to lose. On any other plan, this would have been a break-even week at best!

Weight Loss

Medifast Month 1: 25 lbs (13.6, 3.2, 4, 4.2)

Medifast Total (1 month): 25 lbs

Total in 2011: 33.6 lbs

Normal Eating...What's That?

I have started reading (again) one of the books I bought earlier in this journey: The Rules of "Normal" Eating by Karen Koenig. While Medifast is working great for me, and I do believe it is teaching me some important lessons about my relationship with food, I also realize this isn't "normal" eating. So, while I am doing this, I want to start to arm myself with the knowledge and tools to help me make a smooth transition when the time comes.

I haven't gotten too far into the book, but I was really struck by some of the things I read last night. Check this out, and see whether or not you do these things.

Koenig says, "Unconscious behaviors of "normal eaters when they are eating include:

• They breathe regularly. (I think I do this.)
• They chew their food well before swallowing it. (Not likely, I am a speed eater.)
• They look up from their plate often. (Maybe, if I am in good company. By myself, rarely.)
• They pause and enjoy the taste of what they are eating. (I really do appreciate good food, but I don't think I take time to savor and enjoy it.)
• They put their fork or spoon down occasionally and don't think of utensils as extensions of their arm. (Go, go Gadget arm utensils!)
• They have silent, automatic, back-burner dialogue with themselves regularly while eating to see if they are still hungry or have reached fullness or satisfaction. (Haven't heard that voice.)
• They focus on the food in front of them, not what they ate yesterday or what they will be eating tomorrow. (People really do that?!?! I am always thinking about the before and after.)
• They don't care what's on someone else's plate or imagine that anyone cares what's on theirs. (I do care and generally imagine I am being judged about what I am eating if I feel like it is indulgent.)

Here is how not to stay connected to your body while eating:

• Shovel or gobble your food. (check)
• Guilt trip, shame, or hate yourself for what you are eating or what you ate earlier. (always)
• Eat as much as the person next to you. (That's never a problem.)
• Tell yourself that you don't deserve to eat. (I've told myself that, but did it anyway. Then...refer to the second bullet point here.)
• Eat as little as the person next to you. (I do monitor.)
• Forget to breathe or taste the food. (Not sure about this one.)
• Rush through the meal. (Yep.)
• Struggle not to eat anything. (Yep.)
• Eat when you are too stressed to enjoy food. (Always.)
• Worry while you're eating. (Often.)
• Feel self-conscious about what you're eating. (Oh yeah.)
• Eat to please someone else. (I've done that too.)

YES!!! I got them all right! Oh wait, I wasn't supposed to answer YES, to every stinkin' one of those questions.

And, the work continues...

Forbidden Fruit

Last night, I had the most vivid dream, dare I call it a fantasy. In this "fantasy", I was sitting at the kitchen table with a gigantic bowl of fruit salad in front of me, and I proceed to devour the entire thing, shoving the fruit in with my hands, juice dripping down my my face, gorging myself with watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and other pieces of sweet juicy deliciousness.

Apparently, I am missing fruit, though I hadn't really thought about. Since Medifast is a low-carb diet, there is no fruit during the weight-loss phase. As of now, I am OK with that considering I lost another 4 lbs this week! Woot-woot! Screw you fruit...who needs ya! See ya in my dreams! :-)

Weight Loss

Medifast Week 3: 4 lbs

Medifast Week 2: 3.2 lbs

Medifast Week 1: 13.6 lbs

Medifast Total (3 weeks): 20.8 lbs

Total in 2011: 29.4

Freedom

For the first time in a long time, I feel free from obsessing about food. If I'm on a diet I obsess about what I will eat next, calculating calories/points/fat grams. What if I go out to dinner? What will I order? I stalk the online menus and seek out nutritional information online like a crazy person. If I am not on a diet, I obsess about what I just ate but shouldn't have, what I want to eat to celebrate...console...cry, when and what will I eat next.

With Medifast, I have nothing to obsess about. I eat a Medifast meal every 2-3 hours. I eat one "Lean & Green" meal of protein and vegetables. There's nothing to think about. Nothing to calculate. If I go out to dinner, as I did last week, I order chicken or fish or steak with vegetables as my side. No stalking the online menus.

The only thing I weigh is my portion of "lean" based on what the protein is, and I measure (sometimes) my servings of vegetables. I will admit, I am supposed to be keeping track of condiments and healthy fats, but I haven't done that yet. I figure that is something I can incorporate (maybe) if I hit a plateau. It's not like I am pouring a gallon of salad dressing or olive oil or BBQ sauce on my food, so I think it's OK.

At this week's weigh-in, I lost an additional 3+ lbs. After last week's amazing results, I will admit that I was expecting a bit more. I know that most of those 13.6 lbs were water weight, but still the 3lbs this week seemed to pale in comparison. But, who can complain about 16+ pounds in 2 weeks? Me, that's who. It's an illness, people, it's an illness. :)

Seriously, though, I am VERY happy with my progress both on the scale and in my head.

Weight Loss

Medifast Week 2: 3.2 lbs

Medifast Week 1: 13.6 lbs

Medifast Total (2 weeks): 16.8 lbs

Total in 2011: 25.4

Medifast Food Reviews

Imagine it's your first day of eating drastically less than you normally do. You've had a shake for your first "meal", a bar for your second "meal", and you are about to prepare your third "meal" of soup. Soup, you think, that's like real food. The anticipation is killing you. You are famished. Fingers shaking as you open your packet (visualize cup of soup packets) of cream of broccoli soup mix, and....

YOU WANT TO THROW UP from the horrid scent that emenates from the small plume of dust that puffs out of the package. Are you SERIOUS? This is the crap that I am going to eat!

This is exactly what happend to me. In fact, I was preparing this meal at my parents' house, and they were both horrified by the smell. Yet, I had nothing else to eat, so I prepared my soup, whisking away to get all the lumps out. Adding a little garlic and herb seasoning, and Old Bay (Old Bay makes everything better, right?). Making it extra hot so I would burn off all taste buds, thus eliminating any chance of actually tasting this crap. And, I ate it.

Fortunately, it didn't smell as horrible once it was prepared. I muddled through the bowl of soup as my father laughed hysterically in the background, making comments such as, "No wonder you lose weight on this diet. That shit is inedible." My mother showing her support with reassuring remarks like, "It doesn't smell too bad now," and "It's probably better with those spices in it." Meanwhile, I'm so hungry I want to throw the bowl of soup in both of their faces and resort to eating the packaging the soup came in.

Overall, though, it's really not that bad. Seriously. And now, a week and a half later, I've even kind of gotten used to the cream of broccoli soup. I think the key is that I wasn't expecting it to be gourmet food or even "real" food. I looked into other programs like Nutrisystem and Jenny Craig, where you get some frozen food and some "shelf stable" food as they call it. The reviews of the food were mediocre at best. I'd rather have the meal replacements of Medifast than eat gross meals that are supposed to be real-food "entrees".

Here is all the "food" I've had and what I think of it.

Shakes

Orange Creme - MY FAV! Not just my favorite shake, but probably my favorite item overall. This is what I have for breakfast everyday. I blend it with a little ice, and I actually really like it. It tastes like a creamsicle. I ordered the Strawberry Creme in my next batch of food, so we'll see how that measures up.

Chocolate - Good. But not as good as the orange creme.

Next up: In addition to the Strawberry Creme, I also ordered the Banana Creme for Jay. (I don't like banana.)

Pudding

Chocolate - I didn't care for it in pudding form. The texture was weird, and it seemed grainy. But I got some pointers online for making it more like a frosty with ice and some water. YUMMY! This is usually what I have as my 6th meal, after my Lean & Green dinner. Very dessert like.

Soft Serve

Mango - DIS. GUST. ING. Way too artificially flavored. Super weird after taste. Odd texture. I much prefer just making the chocolate pudding into soft serve.

Soups

Cream of Broccoli - Well, you know how I feel about that. I actually don't mind it too much anymore, but definitely not my favorite.

Maryland Crab - Probably my favorite of the soups I've tried. Added Old Bay, of course.

Chili - Since you only use a half cup of water to make it, it's a very small serving. I thought it was very weird the first time I made it. I read some pointers online (this actually applies to all the soups) about mixing them up the day before so the dried veggies have a chance to soften up and the flavors get better. So now I do that (for the Maryland crab too), mix in some extra seasonings, and it's fine. I have read that some people really hate this one though.

Next up: Beef Stew, Chicken Noodle, Cream of Tomato

Bars

Smore's; Chocolate Crunch; Peanut Butter Crunch: I'd rate these all about the same. They're pretty good. Not as good as the Fiber One bars I used to eat, but they'll do.

Lemon Meringue - Not as good as the others, but I like it for a change of pace from the others. Jay hated it.

Next up: Caramel Crunch, Cinnamon Roll

Puffs & Pretzels

Chili Nacho Cheese Puffs - My other fav, along with the orange creme shake. Little round psuedo cheese curls. They satisfy my need to munch. I usually have these as my mid-afternoon meal, along with a Diet Coke. Jay also said these are one of his favorite things so far.

Honey Mustard Pretzels - Not nearly as good as the puffs, in my opinion, but good for a change of pace.

Next up: Parmesan Cheese Puffs

Brownie

The brownie is decent. A nice change from the frosties for dessert, but I definitely prefer my pudding frosty.

Oatmeal

I didn't order any because I hate oatmeal. But, I have since read recipes for making the oatmeal into muffins. So, my next order includes blueberry oatmeal.

General Comments:

• I think everything kind of has a weird after taste that you start to get used to.
• Low expectations. Keep in mind that these are meal replacements and not gourmet food. Everything (except the puffs and pretzels) is made from adding water. What do you expect? It's pretty much exactly what I was expecting based on those expectations.
• If you try something once and don't like it, don't give up on it. It may grow on you. Or, you may find a way of mixing it up (more water, less water, blending, shaking, etc) that makes it better.
• I definitely like mixing up my meals. Shake for breakfast. Bar mid-morning. Soup for lunch. Puffs or pretzels mid-afternoon. Pudding frosty late evening.
• There are some crazy creative people who have come up with recipes for making the cream soups into chips and "bread" using panini makers. I haven't tried them yet, but I plan to.
• I have pretty much kept everything simple. That's what I was going for after all. But, after reading the discussion boards and other bloggers who write about Medifast, there are a lot of ways that you can split up the Lean & Green into smaller meals, or add bits of it to the Medifast meals and create very interesting meals. I'll let you know if I try anything.

So, this was super long, but I know some of my fans have been awaiting details of the foods. And, there you have it.

PPJs

Today I wore PPJs: Pre-Pregnancy Jeans!

And, that is all.